leadership ramblings

Do You Know The Kind Of People That Go To Your Church?

May 20, 2013 – 10:11 am

If I had to pinpoint the one thing I like least about my position, it would be the lightning rod aspect of it. If something goes wrong or somebody connected to Western Hills does something stupid – I’ll hear about it. I’m not sure if pastors of larger churches have the same problem. My guess is they do to some degree.

It’s not all “bad.” The minor stuff is exactly that – minor stuff. Things from parking lot lines, grass length, running out of paper cups, copier not working, carpet stains, lights out, registrations for camps or events – I understand. It comes with job and most of the time they are just opportunities to help people. I normally can delegate that stuff right back out and it’s all good. It’s not that big of a deal.

But there are times when it gets a bit larger that that. Like, the actions of somebody in public connected to Western Hills. That gets a little trickier. To be fair – it doesn’t happen often. But when it does happen, it keeps me up at night. I was given some great advice by a mentor a few years ago that repeats in my head when situations like this come up – Be True To The Absent. I’m hearing one side of the story. There is another side. Be true to the person who isn’t around and can’t speak for themselves.

So I listen and wait for the inevitable line that is always said at the end of these conversations.

“I just thought you’d like to know what kind of people go to your church.”

Over the years, I’ve finally developed a response to that comment.

I’ll first ask if they would humor me a couple more minutes to respond to that comment.

I don’t know if you’ll ever step foot in Western Hills and if you don’t because of this incident, I’m truly sorry about that. But I think you ought to know a couple of things about most churches but these are especially true for Western Hills.

First, it isn’t my church. I’m employed there. I’m entrusted by God and that congregation to teach and lead. I have some influence – to be sure – but ultimate ownership is God’s. I realize that sounds churchy and mystical – there is no way around that but it is the truth. There is a group of us that are called and set apart to help hear God’s voice and we try to lead Western Hills where it is He tells us. Sometimes it is clear – the scriptures. Sometimes it is less clear but we are committed to allowing God have the last word in His organization. It’s imperfect – to be sure – but we are kingdom minded, focused on serving this community as Jesus’ representative.

Second, the only kinds of people that go to Western Hills are sinners. Me included. Some have a relationship with Jesus that is changing them to be a better person. Some don’t. Some are deep and mature Christ-followers that are a joy to be with, others are so immature it’s like eating with a room full of toddlers.

I tell you this not to defend or excuse the behavior you witnessed. As you described it, it sounds offensive. I would encourage you to go back to that person and walk through what you just did with me with them. That’s what Jesus taught in Matthew 18. That’s how we try to handle conflict here and that is why I will NOT be taking this conversation any further.

However, it is true that Western Hills is made up of a bunch of broken, sinful people that are in various stages of being redeemed and transformed by Jesus. And redemption and transformation are messy, messy processes. Those are the kinds of people that go to Western Hills.

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family ramblings leadership ramblings youth ministry

I’m A Parent Before I’m A Pastor

May 14, 2013 – 2:30 pm

We had Parker Dane in this weekend (twitter – @ParkerDane) to show off and introduce to our church family as our new student pastor. It was a great weekend and watching the students connect with Parker was just incredible. He even got in on some 6-square.

6-square is the most awesomest game ever. It’s four-square plus two and it requires absolutely zero athletic skill to play. And it reveals who is really the competitive people are in your group. But it also gives every kid a chance to get out the adults. And that is always funny.

But that isn’t even really the point of this post. The real point is watching these students lock in to Parker. It’s nothing specific or unique to Parker – it’s the idea that there is this person who “gets us” and “speaks our language.” And because of that – they will listen. They will tune in and hear these wonderful words of wisdom that their parents have been saying for years but it has been unable to penetrated the brain because…they came from their parent’s mouth.

Sunday afternoon, my daughter said – “Parker said this in Sunday school and it was like – YEAH! That’s it! It made total sense!”

Now the truth of the matter is that Amy and I had said that same piece of wisdom for the past 13 years. But she HEARD it from Parker. And that’s why student ministry is so important. Student pastors and volunteers provide that 3rd voice in their world.

I’m a parent before I am a pastor. (And I’m a husband before I’m a parent.) As I’m trying to teach my kids how to listen to the voice of God in their life, I sometimes can get in the way. Or they tune me out. Or I miss His voice because I’m trying to get them to hear my voice. Or sometimes it’s just because kids are kids and they honestly think their parents are idiots. We’re not. And neither are they. BUT my voice (actually, Amy & I’s voice) is that first voice they hear and after time – it can lose it’s punch and priority.

The culture and their friends is the 2nd voice and it increases in volume every year older they get. That’s where a 3rd voice in the mix is huge and that is why student ministry is so crucial. It’s a 3rd voice in the mix trying to help students learn how to hear His voice.

This is especially important for me. Why?

I’ve heard other pastors say – “I’m not just my family’s father/husband but I’m also their pastor.” When I was younger, I think I would have agreed with that statement. Mainly because it sounds super spiritual and smart. It also feeds the ego a bit.

I’m older now with wounds of my own stupidity in parenting. There are days when I am barely doing a decent job as a dad – let alone a pastor. Besides that, I don’t think my kids see me as their pastor. I’m quite sure my wife doesn’t see me that way. Furthermore, they don’t need a pastor in their life near as much as they need me being a good husband and good dad regardless of where my paycheck comes from.

In one sense – yes, I’m my family’s pastor as much as any other man is to his family. I care, I shepherd, I lead, and I serve them as Christ instructs me. But I do so not because my vocation is one of pastor but because that is what it means to be a dad or a husband that follows Jesus.

What I’m trying to say in a very long-winded way I guess is this – I’m not my kids pastor. I’m my kids parent. And I need a 3rd voice in my world for my kids. It’s why I want them around other Jesus-following adults. It’s why I want them at camp and at retreats and staying up late with student volunteers and their youth pastor.

There…glad I got that out of the way.

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weekly evos

The Tension of Mother’s Day

May 13, 2013 – 9:30 am

This past weekend was Mother’s Day. I’ve been in church services where the whole day is about Mom. Flowers are passed out, moms and grandmothers are told to stand and be honored. The message is about the awesomeness of mom and songs are sung to the glory of Mom. It can get pretty ridiculous as it seems to put motherhood on the pedestal with the Trinity.

I have a friend who doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because of this. It’s too painful. She was never able to have children. Her relationship with her mother ended when she left her abusive family at age 10. In her words, “Mother’s Day was the annual reminder of how jacked up my life was.” She hated her own mom, she wasn’t a mom. She had no use for Mother’s Day.

I had another friend who avoided Mother’s Day in her younger years for other reasons. She had kids and was an incredible mother but Mother’s Day was a reminder of the one she aborted as a teenager. I have another friend that has lost a child during childbirth. The church is the last place she wants to be on Mother’s Day.

I feel the tension every year as Mother’s Day approaches. Many people (me included) have incredibly positive “Mom Stories.” Examples of sacrifice, unconditional love, and patience abound with Mom. Many women find great joy and purpose in their identity as being a godly mom. They understand how far-reaching their influence is with their children.

So what is a church supposed to do on Mother’s Day?

I am not in a position to tell any church what they should do on Mother’s Day. The best I can do is communicate what we do and why we do it that way.

We try to walk in that tension. We will show a little video that celebrates moms. We will also acknowledge that the day isn’t a great day for everyone. Here’s what I said yesterday after the video: (At least, what I remember of it.)

Today we celebrate moms but I think it’s important to recognize that today isn’t the best of days for all women. For some, it’s a reminder of pains that run deep. Maybe they weren’t able to have children. Maybe their mom was abusive and distant. Maybe there is the pain of an abortion or the loss of a child. Here’s what I’d like for you to hear this morning if Mother’s Day is a day of pain for you. One day, in the blink of an eye, when we see Jesus – He will make all things right. All things. He will wipe away every tear. He will heal hurts completely. Those scabs will be gone. One day. And it’s because of this hope that even on a day like Mother’s Day, we can laugh and smile and hope.”

Then I prayed.

Of course, this happens every Sunday. People show up at different places in their story. It could be a high point or a low point. They could be ready to worship, ready to end it all. Some come looking for affirmation, others come looking for answers. Either way, it’s a wise team that tries to at the least have something for them to hold onto.

So for all our mothers and grandmothers – Happy Mother’s Day. You are an inspiration. You are being used by God to change the world, one life at a time.

For all of those who have scars that still hurt on this day – you are not alone. God is near to those crushed in spirit and brokenhearted. May you experience His nearness today.

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cultural ramblings sports ramblings

Chris Broussard Reveals Deafness Of Culture

April 30, 2013 – 2:15 pm

Chris Broussard responded to a direct question asked of him on ESPN’s Outside the Lines.

Here is what Chris said:

“I’m a Christian. I don’t agree with homosexuality. I think it’s a sin, as I think all sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman is. L.Z. [Granderson, a gay sportswriter and ESPN contributor] knows that. He and I have played on basketball teams together for several years. We’ve gone out, had lunch together, we’ve had good conversations, good laughs together. He knows where I stand, and I know where he stands. I don’t criticize him, he doesn’t criticize me, and call me a bigot, call me ignorant, call me intolerant.

In talking to some people around the league, there’s a lot of Christians in the NBA, and just because they disagree with that lifestyle, they don’t want to be called bigoted and intolerant and things like that. That’s what L.Z. was getting at. Just like I may tolerate someone whose lifestyle I disagree with, he can tolerate my beliefs. He disagrees with my beliefs and my lifestyle, but true tolerance and acceptance is being able to handle that as mature adults and not criticize each other and call each other names.”

Chris went on to say this today – which he also said on Outside the Lines:

“Today on OTL, as part of a larger, wide-ranging discussion on today’s news, I offered my personal opinion as it relates to Christianity, a point of view that I have expressed publicly before. I realize that some people disagree with my opinion and I accept and respect that. As has been the case in the past, my beliefs have not and will not impact my ability to report on the NBA. I believe Jason Collins displayed bravery with his announcement today and I have no objection to him or anyone else playing in the NBA.

They asked him what he thought of homosexuality. He answered. Respectfully. And in the interview, Chris was equally clear that homosexuality wasn’t the only sin that was offensive to God – adultery, fornication – all kinds of other heterosexual sin. AND Chris never said that Jason’s orientation should affect whether or not he should play in the NBA.

But Chris isn’t being heard. Quite honestly, it was an incredibly articulate explanation by Chris. I have seen a few people actually retract what they said about Chris AFTER they went back and heard what he said themselves instead of reading the twitter feeds. Even those that disagree with his sentiments have commented on how articulate and non-hateful his comments were.

Personally, I’ve found a new favorite sports commentator. I’m still pretty impressed how Chris handled himself and continues to handle himself. Speaking the truth in love has one more outstanding face.

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theological ramblings weekly evos

Some Days Are Harder Than Others

April 24, 2013 – 7:35 am

photo

I wrote this last week for a devo on whillschurch.org.

A dear friend gets back from vacation to find out 14 of his friends fired.

A crisis at work threatens to rip the office apart.

A child is caught in a burning building and the firefighters can’t find her.

An explosion goes off at the end of a marathon on Patriot’s day.

A marriage is pushed to the edge of existence.

A family deals with the rebellion of a teen.

A child comes home again to a drunk parent.

A mentor dies.

On top of this, there are still millions of hungry children living in dumps around the world. Thousands of hungry kids sleeping on floors in Topeka.

And my faith seems small.

Very small.

I seem to have this ongoing dialog with God about how He is “running” things. I realize how complicated a conversation this is. Is He really running things or do we humans bear some culpability in this mess? at the outset of this conversation who is going to win – but I seem to have it anyway. “Why” seems to be the predominant question I keep throwing at Him.

Why is it that a woman who has had such a rough life, can’t catch a break?
Why do these things happen?
Why can’t we do something massive about it and just fix it all?
Why can’t peace reign down instead of war?

Here’s the reality of those questions. I’m not really asking for answers for those questions. And neither are you.

What we want is security. We want the warm blanket of Jesus that everything is going to be okay. We want the feeling of reassurance that God is good and we are okay and it will all be alright in the morning.

We speak these words to others at times. Even when we don’t really believe them.

Upon the death of Brennan Manning last week, I picked back up The Ragamuffin Gospel to peruse my highlights, underlines and scratches. I ended up sitting down and practically rereading it from start to finish. It’s not a safe read.

Brennan has this to say about these shallow reassurances:

What the disciple has not learned is that tangible reassurances, however valuable they may be, cannot create trust, sustain it, or guarantee any certainty of its presence. Jesus calls us to hand over our autonomous self in unshaken confidence. When the craving for reassurances is stifled, trust happens.

Did you catch that? Manning hits at the core of most Christ-followers shallowness. What we want is reassurance, the feeling. Not necessarily Jesus. If there were another option that brought reassurances – we take that one as well. And we do.

When we grow to the point where we don’t need the reassurances – that’s where we really trust Jesus.

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Alabama Football cultural ramblings sports ramblings

Alabama-Notre Dame + Apollo 13 Mashup

April 17, 2013 – 2:20 pm

I don’t know how I missed this but it’s pretty good.

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random ramblings

Salads and Jesus

April 11, 2013 – 8:51 am

Ceasar Salad

This originally appeared as a weekly evo on whillschurch.org.

I was in a conversation a couple of weeks ago with a person who asked me – very genuinely – if I believed that Jesus was the only way people could get to Heaven. Our conversation was going so well up to this point. I almost hated to see it crash in such a spectacular way. I’ve only known this person for a short while and didn’t have a great handle on where they were with their faith. So I decided to ask some questions.

“After reading the teachings and words of Jesus, do you believe he was God or some kind of deranged lunatic?”

My new friend paused – “Are you seriously not going to answer my question?”

“No, no, no. I’m going to answer it but I want to take us on a quick journey to that answer. You’ve read the words of Jesus, you’ve done your research on the authenticity and reliability of the scriptures – tell me what you think?”

“I’m not sure where you are going with this.”

“Obviously. Okay – here’s the deal. I can’t deny the reliability of the scriptures we have are the scriptures Jesus read. I can’t deny that the Bible is the most investigated ancient document on the planet and it continues to be verified and confirmed by other sciences – archeology in particular. So I have to believe that Jesus’ words as recorded in the New Testament are accurate to what He really said.”

“Grant — you are nowhere near answering the question.”

“Stay with me. I’m closer than you think. What I wish or believe to be true about the theology of Jesus is irrelevant. On issues like this one – the exclusivity of Jesus – Jesus is pretty clear. He believed that He was the only way to the Father. John 14:6 – you can look it up. The disciples believed this as well.”

“Gotcha – so you believe it too? Doesn’t that make you kinda, well…narrow minded? Intolerant of others?”

“I believe Jesus. That’s the starting point. Now, if Jesus is wrong – then yes, He and I are narrow-minded, intolerant, liars. If Jesus is right, then it makes us the most honorable people on the planet. Right? It’s not narrow minded if it’s the truth. It’s saving lives.”

I think this thought escapes a lot of people on this topic. If I’m trusting Jesus with my soul, if Jesus was telling the truth in every other instance – why doubt him on this issue? It’s another case of people thinking they know more than God does. It’s not Jesus being intolerant or narrow-minded. It’s being truthful. And loving. It’s not loving at all to tell people what they WANT to hear if it ends up destroying them.

If I knew that all food was poisoned EXCEPT salad, am I being intolerant and narrow minded in telling people constantly – DO NOT EAT THIS FOOD, INSTEAD EAT SALAD? (Maybe I need to switch the analogy….) No. If I didn’t tell people – I’d be labeled a crook, a villain of the likes of Hitler – sending millions to their death simply because I didn’t tell them a life-saving truth that I knew and they didn’t.

If I walked around telling everyone I knew the dangers of all food except salad – and I was right – the words “narrow-minded” and “intolerant” would never be used. Words like – hero, honorable, caring, loving – those words would be thrown at me.

The analogy could go even a step further. Let’s say you don’t like salad. Neither do I. In fact, I pretty like only one kind of salad – Chicken Caesar Salad. Preferably blackened chicken. Great. If any other food is going to kill us – I have a feeling I could learn to love salad. Doesn’t really matter what I feel on the subject or believe at this point.

“I’m not sure I want to follow a person who thinks they are the only way.”

“Maybe….just maybe…you’re looking at this from the wrong perspective. I’d suggest that you first find out if Jesus can be trusted. Does he tell the truth? Is he honorable? Did he have another agenda? Don’t start with whether or not you LIKE what he says. Start with truth.”

We will see where we go from here.

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cultural ramblings leadership ramblings

Prayer For the City Leaders of Topeka

April 10, 2013 – 12:54 pm

I was asked to open City Council meeting last night with prayer. It was the first meeting with our new mayor and 5 new Council members. I started thinking about this prayer and did some asking around of some guys about prayers for such occasions.

What I ended up praying is the combining of a couple of prayers some pastors pointed me to. The only thing that would have been better — reading this in the voice of Morgan Freeman. Because we all know he was pretty much the best God Hollywood ever cast.


Heavenly Father,

First of all, thank You for this entity and what it represents and that is freedom. The freedom to vote, to choose, to disagree. The freedom to worship or not worship, to believe or not believe. It’s this freedom that You endowed in all of humanity. Something our forefathers called inalienable rights, even when it is used in ways that You did not intend.

In the scriptures You taught that citizens ought to obey the governing authorities since You have established those very authorities to promote peace and order and justice. You teach us to seek to prosper the city, to heal the city. It is for this reason that I pray for our outgoing mayor as well as new one, our new city council members, our city officials, and for this assembled council.

I am asking that You would graciously grant them:

Wisdom to govern amid the conflicting interests and issues of our times.
A sense of the welfare and true needs of our people.
A keen thirst for justice and rightness.
A supreme confidence in doing what is good for our city.
The ability to work together in harmony even when there is honest disagreement.

I pray personal peace and joy in the lives of our leaders as they serve our city.

I pray for the agenda set before them tonight and in the weeks and months ahead.

Give them an assurance of what would please You, what would benefit those who live and work in our great city of Topeka.

I humbly ask these things in your Name, Amen.

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family ramblings weekly evos

Transferring My Faith To My Kids

April 4, 2013 – 2:54 pm

transfer my faith.001

This originally appeared as a devo on whillschurch.org

As I’m prepping for this week’s message on Abraham and Isaac, it occurs to me how much is said about Abraham’s faith and how little about Isaac’s. I mean, Isaac was the one that the promises of God actually were fulfilled through. He – meaning Isaac – obviously was a man of faith. Imperfect? Absolutely – but still a man of great faith. That didn’t just happen. He got that faith somewhere, learned it – saw it in action namely in the life of his father – Abraham.

So how did Abraham transfer his faith to Isaac so that one day it was no longer just Abraham’s but Isaac’s?

I think about that question often. Not necessarily specific to Abraham and Isaac but for me. To the guys I’m discipling. My kids. And transferring faith is a bit different (and more involved) than just transferring religious activity. I can train my kids to be at the church every time the doors are open, make sure they wear the right things, say the right things, and behave the right way. I can do all those things and still not have transferred my faith. Behavior is part of the solution and I do believe that discipline helps mold our faith…but behavior itself is not the goal, shouldn’t be the goal. The goal is be closer and more like Jesus. It’s behavior that’s different because of a heart change is what we are after.

I’m still processing all of this but here is my list so far.

1. You have to have a faith to transfer. Religious activity is not faith. It may be evidence of our faith or it may be evidence of our hypocrisy. Before I can transfer anything, I have to have something to transfer. So I must always be developing and deepening my relationship with Jesus.

2. It’s a transfer – not a transplant. I can’t force feed my beliefs to my kids. There are days when I wish I could. Particularly when it comes to fashion and sports teams. But any forcing is just going to back fire. That doesn’t mean they get a free pass on behaving like an idiot either. While they don’t have to believe what I believe, they do have to grow up, be mature, and be a positive contribution to our society. At least – that is what I am going to try to teach them to be.

3. They need to see me wrestle with my faith. Don’t freak out about this – but I don’t always know what to do. As a husband, as a parent or as a pastor. There are times when my faith (and my kids) completely befuddles me. (I have been waiting a long time to use that word in a post.) I’ve often sat down with my kids and just flat out told them – I have no clue what to do in this situation. Any thoughts?

I am not comfortable with Abraham hearing a voice to sacrifice his son. I’m not comfortable with the question about those who have never heard the Gospel. I don’t like everything that Jesus says because it means I must continually be changing. I think my kids need to see this.

4. They need to see faith based decisions in action. This means – we get up and go to church not because I am the pastor but because this is what we would do if I was a truck driver. Or a sports radio host – my other profession that I would love to try. The things we do concerning church – we would do regardless of my employment. We tithe regardless of my job. We serve and coach and other things because – you get the point.

5. They need space to question and to figure some things out on their own. I try not to freak out when one my kids says something theologically – stupid. I admit I am better at this when the subject is anything but dating.

6. They will need a ’3rd Voice.’ This is probably the most important. The first voice is us as parents. They hear this voice all the time. As they get older, our voice lessens – in their ears. The second voice is their peers and friends. As stupid and ridiculous as their peers may be – there are also those who are deep and significant. And this group becomes the loudest during the teen years.

The third voice is another adult. Could be a coach, a youth pastor or small group leader – or a gang leader. This voice is huge.

In an ideal world – all three of these voices are working together to help the teen hear clearer His Voice. That’s the goal of all of this anyway – to grow my kids up so that they hear His Voice above all others – even my own.

Obviously – ideal isn’t reality. So I pray and ‘stack the deck’ so that this third voice is pointing them to Jesus.

This isn’t an exact science. It’s more like art. But I’m praying that we will have multiple generations that continually get better at this.

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weekly evos

Holy Collision of Stories

April 1, 2013 – 8:33 am

Photo Mar 27, 10 26 21 AM

This originally appeared as a weekly devo on whillschurch.org

My spring break didn’t turn out like I thought it would. That’s not a complaint – just an observation. The stuff we planned – didn’t happen and the stuff we “stumbled on” did.

Ran into a friend at Chick-fil-a (where else, right?) that told us about how teams had open practice for FREE at the Sprint Center the day before their NCAA opening round games. So we went. And then we ran into other friends and told them about it. And in return they told us about a place where it is wall to wall trampolines and you can jump to your face falls off. So we all ended up having this incredible day.

None of those things we had planned out. They all just sort of…happened. The story that we thought we were going to experience over Spring Break didn’t materialize. So we got to experience a different story instead. It was cool to see how these stories collided with each other and how that collision produced a larger story that was so much fun to be a part of.

This happens all the time around us. How often do we see it? Do we notice it? Do we see the larger story being written around us and through us?

Every story is the merger of at least three other stories. There is my story, your story and then God’s story. As we seek to merge our story with God’s we discover that He is pleased to merge our story with others along the way. In fact, our story is not possible without the story of others. God is pleased to work this way – blending and overlapping and at times colliding our stories to make a larger, more beautiful work of art.

Easter is the pinnacle of this. Think of these collisions…

Peter and the girl at the fire as she asks him – ‘aren’t you one of those guys that followed Jesus?’
The soldier who was just showing up for work and would end of losing an ear…then getting it back.
The man who showed up for Passover week to only be forced to carry Jesus’ cross.
Barrabas getting to experience first hand what Easter was really about – freedom.
Pilate and his insecurities as a leader facing an angry mob.
Pilate and his wife who had more discernment and courage then he did.
Two criminals with a death sentence who ‘happen’ to be crucified with Jesus.
The priest that was on duty when the holy of holies veil was ripped in two.
The men from Emmaus who would in a few short days be walking with the man they were watching die.
The soldiers who drew guard duty on Sunday morning.
Men who thought they wielded power waking up on Sunday morning to the ‘rumors’ of Jesus’ resurrection.

Theses were people who had their schedule, had their plan and then — it didn’t happen. Their story was changed. It was a holy collision of sorts – one that would drastically change their lives forever. Holy collisions work like this – they ambush us, interrupt us. But to the one who is paying attention – there is a larger story unfolding.

One that is deep and overwhelming. And beautiful and scary. And life-changing.

And your story is part of the larger one God is writing. He is using and writing your story with this end in mind – to collide you with others so that through this collision a larger story will emerge. A story where all will have the chance to know Him. Can you see this? Do you see Easter as part of this?

The joy of walking with Jesus comes in the realization of this. Understanding that there is a larger work of art being formed, that you are a part of it but not the point of it. Waiting and watching for these other stories to collide with yours. To see what God does next.

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