the    sides

I blogged about conflict a couple of days ago and promised/threatened that I would throw down my thoughts.

1. Don’t make something a big deal if it isn’t. This is Harry Anderson’s Rule of Thumb. I remember a parent going nuts because a kid banged on our money-stealing-Coke-machine. Then she (the student, not the parent) took the customer service sticker off and put it on her notebook. “That is disrespectful to property and shows a lack of self-discipline. See right here on the machine it says do not violate this machine or remove its stickers.”

“Violate? It’s possible to violate a machine? We’ve got to stop this madness! Who is standing up for the silent victims of Coke machines across the world who can’t speak for themselves?”

And the rest of that conversation led me to my next conclusion…

2. Humor is risky - use wisely. Sarcasm should be used as often as you would wear someone else’s dirty underwear.…like never. Sarcasm in conflict is like smoking at a gas station. Humor can be effective to diffuse the drama and emotion of a situation if you know who you are dealing with VERY WELL and if that is a normal part of your personality. Otherwise - play it straight.

3. Think 30,000 feet. 90% of the time the “issue” that sent someone postal really isn’t the issue. It’s something else that the current event triggered. It’s probably related. If you can - try to deal with the underlying, heart stuff that is often unspoken, don’t miss that for the immediacy of the issue at hand. Start speaking to the real issue with tenderness if you can.

4. Is this a preferance or a value?

This is a hard question and ought to be answered with the guys/gals you lifewalk with. Steve Boehm speaks at 5.36 every now and then. He’s good but he walks all over the freakin’ place. I mean, he’s like a Mexican jumping bean. The students dig it. Plus - he’s a good communicator. His stuff is deep and thought provoking. He incarnates and communicates our vision and hope for students. So - jump all over the place, Steve.

5. Don’t cave on values. I’ve got very few values…ok, that didn’t come out right, but I think you know what I mean.

Jesus died, rose again, and is coming back for us.
A life-changing relationship with Him is the only access to God forever.
We want to empower leaders to incarnate that message wherever they go.

That last one is key because it holds a couple of key values.

First, we are about releasing teenage leaders. We want them to be culturally relevant. We want them to take monster risks for God.

That can go wrong at times. I’ve decided that it’s worth the risks.

6. Don’t deal with it alone. I’ve got people around me who love me, but aren’t impressed with me. That’s true community. That means that when I am wrong, they are pretty quick to point it out. They lend some perspective and calmness to the situations I find myself in.