the    sides

Part 1, Part 2, Part 2a

Marko said to grab the book The Search To Belong by Joseph R. Myers. Fortunately - Jim had it and that was exactly where all the ideas came from. He’s let me borrow his until I get my own copy.

First - HOLY COW…what a great book. How the heck did I miss this one?

These are my ramblings about the 1st chapter. The stuff in italics are Joseph Myers. Blame me for the rest of it.

Common Myths About Belonging
More Time = More Belonging
The premise is that the more time you spend with someone, the more you belong. I always knew this was a myth. Otherwise I would still have such a great relationship with my high school basketball team.

A buddy of mine (Brian Briley) has a phrase - “The 212 Guys.” These are the guys (or gals) you have instant rapport and trust, can get to boiling quick. Myers call the idea of keeping a bunch of people together who don’t connect for long periods of time – “forced relational hell.�?

More Commitment = More Belonging
When we search to belong, we aren’t really looking for commitment. We simply want to connect.

See Marriage. Ouch! How true is this, though? 15-20 years of committed marriage but are they connected?

More Purpose = More Belonging
If this were true, every committee in America would be awesome and they’d all be friends.

More Personality = More Belonging
Of all the myths – this one indicts student ministry the most. (At least the way I use to do student ministry.) We elevate/celebrate/fake personality for the purpose of getting people involved and connected. If a student is outgoing, gregarious – that’s a student leader. If a small group is struggling and dieing it’s because the leader doesn’t have enough of a personality.

Ironic that most extroverts feel alone. When asked how they like having all those friends, most extroverts would answer the way ‘Dave’ did.

Dave said – “I have people who are comfortable around me. I am not comfortable around them. I’m scared they do not like me.�? I am painfully aware of that statement.

Introversion and extroversion are learned forms of social behavior that help us navigate our day-to-day lives. They are categories for helping us understand and interpret our relational experiences. But introversion and extroversion neither block nor enhance our experience of belonging.

More Proximity = More Belonging
After seeing how teens from the US interact with teens in Brazil…this myth is being busted open. A teen has more in common and ‘belongs’ more with a teen in South America than his Baby Boomer next door neighbor. The digital age has made the neighborhood of the world…well, a neighborhood.

More Small Groups = More Belonging
This myth gets its own post tomorrow. This myth crawled up in my lap and slapped upside the head.

I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I’m loving the journey.