the    sides

One of the most frustrating things as a leader is not being able to engage (connect) with someone else on the journey with Jesus. I don’t mean geographical or schedule disconnections. I’m talking about the reluctance, sometimes refusal, to be vulnerable and real.

The harsh reality of the matter is this - there are some people you just connect with and then there are some that you don’t. And no amount of time is probably going to change that.

Am I being to harsh? To jaded?

It happens in student ministry all the time. That is why a great youth pastor will swamp a volunteer youth team with as many different personalities as possible. They all have the same heartbeat for God and students but they all get there in crazy different ways. We want as many whack-o’s available to lifewalk with all the whack-o’s in the student culture.

That’s the major reason why we have a ‘try it before you buy it’ policy of Life Groups at Grace. Find a place you connect with. Stay there. Choose to be vulnerable. Let God do His thing.

But what about a person who - for whatever reasons - either can’t find a place to connect or just flat out refuses to take off the mask?

I have to admit, I’m arrogant enough to believe that given enough time I can get them there. The reality of the matter is much more complicated and humbling. First of all, no. I’m not getting them anywhere. I can provide opportunities and invitations. I can avail myself to such discourse but ultimately it’s on that person’s response to the Spirit (insert theological disagreement buzzer here for all of my reformed friends).

Second, people aren’t going to move or risk if they don’t see the value in it OR see it as a loving place. And even then, if there isn’t that ‘connection’, I’m not sure they make the move.

Third, unconditional no-agenda friendships are the way to engage our world AND the cold hard truth of the matter - the church sucks at this.

We do. Let’s just call it what it is and start over. Ian spoke of the God-slot in youth meetings. The Bait-&-Switch Method of evangelism, the Kirby Vaccuum method of Evangelism are the schools we learned and implemented. The reality is that this culture recognizes the pyramid scheme better than we do and they are just not buying it.

In fact, I’d argue the way most of us DO ministry completely undermines everything we SAY we value. We say we value truth and honest - but we are going to stage this program/outreach to trick you in the door so we can sell you Jesus.

We say we value authenticity but we are going to hide Jesus until an opportune moment.

We say we value unconditonal love, but we will only have a friendship with you if you love Jesus too or join our church or buy our Girl Scout Cookies.

We say we value life change and transformation, but we keep painting people in corners and not allowing them out to change their minds…

How will we change this? Can we unforce vunerability?