sides
I’m in the middle of a great dialogue with a friend of mine about pain, darkness, how the church seems to be completely unable (and at times unwilling) to just BE the church - cry with those who cry, mourn with those who mourn, weep with those who weep. Instead, she seems to opt for the easy, softball answers of Hallmark Greeting Cards.
As I continue to think about that discussion, I think about my life group. Every one of us is going through a deep, dramatic loss/hurt of some sort right now. None of us are immune. And we are learning that the easy - “God will work it out” answers are…well, they’re crap. Not only are those ‘answers’ not comforting, I don’t think they are even biblical. (Just because it’s in the Bible, doesn’t make it biblical.)
What if God doesn’t work it out? At least the way we think He ought to work it out…or the way we hope He works it out? I understand intellectually/theologically that God says that He weaves all things for good for those He loves and has called according to His purposes.
But honestly, those purposes from our (my) finite, limited perspective looks like it is shot all to hell right now. It feels like that He doesn’t know what He is doing and that He’s off doing an errand somewhere and forgotten all about me… and Heath and Ann….and Wayne and Amy…well, you get the idea. It feels like He’s forgotten about all of us.
Intellectually and theologically - I get it. I understand it on a mental, unemotive, often unreal level. He has not forgotten. And those shallow enough to not wrestle with the harsh realities of pain are all too quick to remind me of such things.
But that rings hollow in the shadow of unanswerable questions. What if our definition of sovereignty is different than God’s understanding? It appears that God’s understanding of sovereignty includes watching Jesus die a horrific death on the cross. It includes innocents dieing. It includes pain, hurt, clouds, despair as well as “joy that comes in the morning.”
What if this trial/darkness/hurt isn’t about testing my faith? What about those of us - to steal my friend’s words - who have been to the cross and are honestly trying to live a God glorifying life as best as we can? What if the great joke of Job is being played on us? It’s not about our faith, it’s about God’s story. How do I (or anyone else for that matter) want to deal with that?
I know intellectually that there is nothing better on earth or off of it than God and what He holds in His hand. But what if what He is holding in His hands is more than I want to endure? Does He still redeem and heal when my faith isn’t enough?
8 responses so far ↓
1 rob // Jan 17, 2006 at 1:23 pm
You’ve hit on what really ticks me off about God sometimes. I look at the “life I’m delt” and I don’t like it. I can think of 100 ways it could be better (not just physically better, but even spiritually better (ya hear that God? It’s not just about what I want too ya know!)). I know the life I have is the best one God has picked out and I take comfort in that. But then at the same time I look at it and think, “damn this path, God. I damn it, why don’t you? THIS is your choice?”
My wrestling isn’t always about His soverginty, it’s about the choices I see Him making (or made) and it’s my selfishness pride that rebells and fights. But my heart won’t let me wander too far.
“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.”
2 Nelson // Jan 17, 2006 at 1:32 pm
As I continue to read your blog crazily faithfully, I’ve noticed a trend: lots of constructive (mostly) criticism of the church. I’ve noticed that Paul, when writing to a Church, would tell of his great passion for them, let them know where they can improve and how to do this, then end with encouragement to continue strong in their faith.
I challenge you to spend 1 post on the strengths of your church (or the ‘local’ church). It might be amazing to see what they’re accomplishing if you step away from the leadership role and look upon it as an instrument for reaching the lost and encouraging the body of Christ.
Love ya!
3 Grant // Jan 17, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Nelson - great challenge…and I’ll take it later in the week.
But that is exactly my beef…we aren’t reaching the lost…and I question are effectiveness in encouraging the body.
I also question my ability to see our strengths - Grace particular - accurately.
4 Big Tom // Jan 17, 2006 at 6:15 pm
You are among the great ones of the faith who struggled with your questions.
I don’t know of any easy answers execpt I do know “it is not about me” even though I want it to be!
None of us nor any of our churches are as effective as we could be / ought to be / will be. Why does He keep putting up with us? Grace? Does that mean we should keep putting up with each other?
Love you brother!
5 Wayne // Jan 18, 2006 at 9:00 am
G–I think you’ve hit the nail on the head for a lot of things. I’ve, for a long time, lamented about the “God will work it out” answers. I’ve been such a hypocrite in giving them though. My fear — I’ve become so jaded that I’m not sure what it is like to give OR recieve real support.
6 Heath // Jan 18, 2006 at 10:08 am
I agree, I’ve been struggling with the “why did I get THIS!?” and I have actually wondered aloud about the relationship to Job.
Truth is, you are correct. I take little comfort in “church” anymore. I find that my time in the word when I’m alone has been my greatest comfort lately. Time spent with my wife, who is on this journey right beside me is the best I get. You guys in the life group are really what keeps church viable for me right now. I’m not advocating being out of fellowship with other believers by any means, but the church, not just Grace, but THE CHURCH in general doesn’t get in the dirt with anyone anymore.
I’m probably just as guilty as everyone else, though. I don’t know the struggles of those I sit next to in service… I don’t know how to pray for them, and truth be told I often don’t. For all I know they are happy and the world couldn’t be better. Could be that they are at the lowest point in their life and they don’t know how to express it so they box it up and seal it in. I’m particularly good at that one.
God has really given me a peace about this whole thing (the situation with the baby), but that doesn’t stop me from occasionally wanting to shake my fists at heaven and scream. I know that all of us in the Life Group are going through something like that now. I don’t think that is an accident.
Thanks for being there guys.
7 jeremy // Jan 18, 2006 at 10:52 am
hey man, great thoughts here, very encouraging to read, was talking about stuff similar to this with my girlfriend last night, love the way you articulated it.
anyhow, not sure if you have ever heard anything by andrew peterson or not, but a buddy of mine gave me one of his cds this weekend, and while the vocals arent really my style, there is one song that sorta stood out to me, and its what i thought of when i read this post… “the silence of god”… not sure if youve heard of it, or if you like it, but this post reminded me of the song.
*
It’s enough to drive a man crazy; it’ll break a man’s faith
It’s enough to make him wonder if he’s ever been sane
When he’s bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven’s only answer is the silence of God
It’ll shake a man’s timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God
And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they’ve got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
‘Cause we all get lost sometimes…
There’s a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He’s kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He’s weeping all alone
And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God
8 Mark // Jan 18, 2006 at 12:44 pm
[thinking to himself: hmmm... is he going through some pain right now or just raising an tough situation to stimulate thinking and discussion? Better not jump in with my intellectual responses in case it is the former. If he is in some pain, do I provide a validating, empathetic, encouraging response? Probably not what he needs right now. How about a more directive, "kick in the pants" type response? Probably shouldn't at this time without knowing more. How about not responding? Seems like the easy way out. How about getting together to just be with him? That's probably what I should do and just skip the blog response.]
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