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Audience of One Introduction

February 26th, 2006 · 8 Comments · 29 views

Here is the introduction of my sermon today. Read, of course, in the style of Dr. Suess.

I met a new friend and in earnest I tried
To start a conversation of the things that he liked.
I said I like Green Eggs and Ham, and things that rhyme.
What are some things you deem divine.

And he smiled, and he snickered, “I’ll tell what I like
I love praising my God in the day and the night.
As long as it’s early, let’s say before 9
And it needs to be punctual, and end on time.

And I don’t like the use of Renaissance paintings
It’s iconic and eerie…I’m not really complaining.
I know what’s appropriate and I know what is right
Because I really love praising all day and all night.

The speaker wears kakhi’s and a nice collared shirt
His speech is pristine without a hint of any dirt.
He shouldn’t be crass or too short or too fat
His tone should be pleasing, he should also love cats.

He can’t be too young or too old, or to kind
He needs to be smart, a MDiv should do fine.
No tattoos and no piercings – they’re such a distraction
And the seats should be cushioned and not put me in traction.

We once took communion every week for like 7
Then we stopped altogether, I guess waiting for heaven.
The lighting should be low to make the mood still.
What’s with all the candles, we forget to pay the electric bill?

I like to experiment, I like to know more
I want to sail wildly within sight of the shore.
And I don’t mind questions and the mysteries of faith
Just have it all answered before we start the restaurant race.

We need more teaching on tithing, more lectures on hell
More piano, more cello, and tons more cowbell.
I want to see the whole cross, want to bask in its glow
But don’t ask me serve or to lead or to grow.”

He paused and he grinned, and stared in the blue.
It’s abundantly clear he’d thought the whole thing through.
“And I really love worship, all day and all night
But it must be done my way, it must be done right.”

I sat for a minute, thinking hard what to do.
“So your biggest obstacle in worship is quite frankly …. you.”
And the man look wounded and he walked away mad
And worship once more meant nothing for Dad.

Tags: church & emergent musings · theological ramblings

8 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Mike R // Feb 26, 2006 at 9:42 pm

    Wrote a blog about today’s sermon. Like to hear it? Here it goes:
    Good Intentions vs God’s Will

    “Audience of one” reminded me of the Sara Groves (the best lyricist in CCM) song This Journey Is My Own. I’ve listened to that song at least 100 times and I still get goosebumps.

  • 2 jeremy // Feb 26, 2006 at 10:52 pm

    very cool.

    i have a fever.

    and the only prescription.

    is more cowbell.

    i’m currently the “talker of the month”.

    do i get some type of prize/monetary reward for this?

  • 3 Catbird // Feb 26, 2006 at 11:23 pm

    You’ve obviously met my father.
    The chair reference was nice. (big laugh.)
    I loved this.

  • 4 Wayne // Feb 27, 2006 at 5:50 am

    Quite hilarious it was…
    Unfortunately, oh so true and sobering.
    Thanks for the stretch. Here’s to being more like David and less like Michal.

  • 5 Mike R // Feb 27, 2006 at 5:29 pm

    Wrote a blog about today’s sermon. Like to hear it? Here it goes:
    [url=http://www.therileyfamily.org/pblog_mike/index.php?entry=entry060226-150934]Good Intentions vs God’s Will[/url]

    “Audience of one” reminded me of the Sara Groves (the best lyricist in CCM) song [url=http://www.saragroves.com/music/conversations/lyrics/thisjourneyismyown.cfm]This Journey Is My Own[/url]. I’ve listened to that song at least 100 times and I still get goosebumps.

  • 6 Mike R // Feb 27, 2006 at 5:31 pm

    dang! messed up the links
    Good Intentions vs God’s Will

    This Journey Is My Own

  • 7 Mark // Feb 28, 2006 at 1:04 pm

    I couldn’t believe you did this! How many took offense at this? It seemed directed at certain people and issues. Am I reading too much into it?

  • 8 Grant // Feb 28, 2006 at 1:59 pm

    Only had one comment.

    Was it directed to certain people? Yeah, it was. It was directed to all of us. All of those things have been said to me or I’ve said them myself. If you remember, I also trashed me and ‘paid pastors’ for forgetting who are true audience is.

    So - I think it was an equal opportunity offensive sermon. It needed to be because we’ve all gotten lost in the fog when it comes to worship.

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