sides
I first saw these on jordoncooper.com, so he is getting the ht.
But the full-meal deal is here.
WARNING: DO NOT GO TO THIS WEBSITE IF YOU ARE ON A LADDER, DRINKING DR. PEPPER, OR OPERATING ANY KIND OF MACHINERY THAT REQUIRES YOU TO KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN AND FREE OF TEARS. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK BLADDER, GO PUT ON DEPENDS NOW, THEN CLICK ON THE SITE.
You’ve been warned.
These were selected by Chuck Norris as his favorite Chuck Norris sayings:
* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
* Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
* Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
* Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
* Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
* Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
* Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
* Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
* Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
* Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
The one I wish he’d had pick:
* Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. He has never cried. Ever.
* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
* Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Tag: Chuck Norris facts
79 responses so far ↓
1 Len // Jun 12, 2006 at 4:59 pm
I made a WWCD? pic for my desktop. Better would be WWCK? Who Would Chuck Kill?
2 Derek // Jun 12, 2006 at 5:20 pm
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming
3 Tuner // Jun 12, 2006 at 6:44 pm
Everytime Chuck Norris smiles, the life of a dying man is saved. Ironically, Chuck Norris smiles only after killing a man.
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger one day, a cow suddenly killed over. Chuck Norris immediately gave it cpr, and the cow came back to life. With everyone watching, he suddenly roundhouse kicks the cow in the face, killing it. Chuck then says to everyone on the set, “The good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck taketh away.”
4 Grant // Jun 13, 2006 at 9:36 am
Len - if you made one of those WWCK bracelets - I’d buy about 100 of them!!!!!
Great additions!!!
G
5 kris // Jun 13, 2006 at 12:44 pm
you guys are way too quick for me.
great laughs today …..
6 Paul // Jun 14, 2006 at 9:31 am
So is there ever a time when you shouldn’t drink Dr. P? I don’t think so.
Rumor has is Chuck can turn water into Dr. P.
7 Grant // Jun 14, 2006 at 9:43 am
But can Chuck Norris stop the flame thrower feeling of Dr. Pepper screaming out of your nose?
8 Len // Jun 16, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Chuck can do whatever he wants to do Grant. You should know that. Because you doubted him don’t expect to live for very long but at least he will crouch in shadows and it will happen quickly.
9 Dustino // Jun 23, 2006 at 5:59 pm
Lol. what do you think grants gonna have going through his mind whe chuck gets him?
chuck norris’ shoe
10 robin // Jun 25, 2006 at 9:13 pm
it would be an honour and a priviledge to have chuck’s shoe go through my head
11 Brad // Sep 7, 2006 at 4:25 am
My Father once said, “I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.”
Well… I DO believe in God, and the only man that I’m afraid of is Chuck Norris.
12 Brad // Sep 7, 2006 at 4:26 am
Superman had a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
13 Brad // Sep 7, 2006 at 4:27 am
The Sandman has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
14 rob // Oct 9, 2006 at 6:18 pm
chuck norris doesnt breathe, he takes air hostage.
15 Justin // Dec 22, 2006 at 12:54 pm
Jesus walked on water but Chuck Norris walked on Jesus.
16 Dave // Dec 30, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to wear a gas mask, Gas needs to wear a Chuck Norris mask.
17 Rich // Jan 8, 2007 at 4:34 pm
When you turn over China it says “Made by Chuck Norris”
18 Jon // Jan 12, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Hurricanes aren’t the result of weather conditions. They are the result of wind forces create when Chuck practices roundhouse kicks in the air.
19 Brandon // Jan 15, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Some people think it is incredible to go down Niagra Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up the Falls in a cardboard box!
20 Brandon // Jan 21, 2007 at 1:24 am
every night chuck norris sleeps with a night light, becouse the dark is afraid of chuck norris
21 Robert // Jan 22, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Chuck Norris can count to infinity
22 Kendall, Trent, Reed and KirbyAnn // Jan 28, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
23 meg // Jan 29, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Chuck Norris can travel around the world in 1 day. Not 80.
24 the G sides » Where Does Chuck Norris Write? // Jan 31, 2007 at 3:24 pm
[...] The Chuck Norris Posts: Chuck Norris Doesn’t Hate Mondays Because If He Did, They Wouldn’t Exist For Wayne and all my other engineer friends Dwyane Wade Is Chuck Norris’ Kryptonite [...]
25 Stacy // Feb 9, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Chuck Norris will hit you with so many rights you will beg for a left.
26 mike // Feb 27, 2007 at 4:12 pm
After chuck norris visited the virgin islands they were just call “the islands”
27 taylor // Mar 5, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Chuck Norris invented “pain” to go along with the roundhouse kick.
28 pat // Mar 7, 2007 at 10:36 am
if chuck norris was a dictator on a world conquest he would have control of the world before he even lifted a finger because everyone would give up right away
29 travis // Mar 23, 2007 at 11:11 am
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
30 ray // Apr 8, 2007 at 7:52 pm
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’s urine was the main ingredient for balco’s designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
31 lee // Apr 8, 2007 at 10:31 pm
when chuck norris went for a swim he didnt get wet, the water got chuck norris.
32 Rachelle // Apr 10, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Hahaha your guys are great
Chuck Norris is my home boi lol
My friend is obused with him she goes that Chuck Norris made eveything that is awsome was made but Him LOL i agree with her
33 taylor // Apr 12, 2007 at 6:16 pm
In the early 90’s after an airing of Walker Texas Ranger in france the french government decided to surrender to Chuck Norris, just to be safe.
34 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:03 am
every time chuck norris reads these comments he simply roundhouse kicks his computer and everyone who wrote one is kicked in the face
35 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:05 am
nuclear waste didn’t cause the chernoble incident, chuck norris only farted
36 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:05 am
iraq didnt have weapons of mass destruction they had chuck norris
37 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:09 am
coca-cola didn’t make mellow, chuck norris peed in a bottle
38 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:10 am
chuck norris doesn’t change his oil, he roundhouse kicks it until it does it itself
39 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:18 am
leatherface doesn’t exsist its simply chuck norris dressed up for halloween
40 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:20 am
chuck norris’s goes out out for halloween it isn’t trick or treat, its live or die
41 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:22 am
the atom bomb in hiroshima was never a bomb it was chuck norris yawning
42 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:22 am
thiing don’t blow up they chuck norris
43 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:24 am
chuck norris is sueing arm & hammer for taking the names of his left and right arm
44 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:24 am
chuck norris got bored one night and created the webster dictionary
45 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:25 am
there is no such thing as the bible, its chuck norris’s diary
46 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:26 am
god isn’t the father of jesus chuck norris is
47 Chuck Norris // May 4, 2007 at 8:27 am
hurricane katrina was caused by chuck norris skipping rocks across the water
48 Chimichanga El Taco // May 4, 2007 at 7:35 pm
Chuck Norris climbed Mt. Everest….Blind folded.
49 Chimichanga El Taco // May 4, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Chuck Norris went to mars………without a spaceship.
50 My name is law. // May 5, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Chuck Norris didnt learn kung fu he invented it.
51 My name is law. // May 5, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Chuck Norris only blinks to fit in.
52 My name is law. // May 5, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Chuck Norris takes his stack live.
53 My name is law. // May 5, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Chuck Norris wasnt born, he was forged.
54 My name is law. // May 5, 2007 at 5:00 pm
If Chuck Norris says its funny, you beta lagh.
55 jlo // May 5, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Somebody just made Chuck Norris not funny anymore? GET A LIFE dude.
56 Andrew // May 7, 2007 at 5:39 am
Chuck Norris can Unscramble an egg
57 ben // May 7, 2007 at 8:33 pm
If GOD needed Superman, he’d call Chuck Norris.
58 Michael R // May 8, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Chuck Norris was on that side
59 Triple M Gem // May 9, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so fast that his foot broke the space time continuum and hit Amelia Earheart in the face and thats what made her crash.
60 clay // May 12, 2007 at 3:43 pm
chuck norris once won a staring contest with a solar eclipse.
61 upChuck // May 18, 2007 at 9:53 am
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees
62 TOPHER // May 18, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris had actually been dead for 10 years. But the Grim Reaper is too afraid to tell him.
63 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:40 pm
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects that Chuck Norris could kill you with… including the room itself.
64 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane with his finger, by yelling “BANG!”
65 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:43 pm
On the 7th day, God rested and Chuck Norris took over
66 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalkers REAL father
67 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Chuck Norris invented water
68 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill
69 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in only three moves
70 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:47 pm
In the bible.. Jesus turned the water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned the wine into beer
71 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”
72 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:48 pm
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris
73 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t take showers, he only takes blood baths
74 Sam Boyce // May 23, 2007 at 5:49 pm
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death
75 Tro // May 29, 2007 at 9:59 am
Osama Bin Laden would have given up by now and turned himself over to U.S Forces but when he found out that Chuck Norris was leading the search he stayed where he was.
76 Tro // May 29, 2007 at 10:10 am
If a tree fell in the forest, Chuck Norris would be there to hear it make a sound, he’s also the reason it fell because he roundhouse kicked it.
77 Tro // May 29, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Chuck Norris does not bleed, he leaks battery acid.
78 wayne // May 29, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I’m thinking Chuck Norris would shut down comments to this post by now.
79 the G sides » A Decision That I Hope Doesn’t Get Me Killed. // May 30, 2007 at 7:54 am
[...] Wayne - even though he never blogs anymore and therefore it is pointless to link him AND he should blog more because his life is interesting….at least to his own family - had a great but painful comment yesterday about closing the comments on the famous Chuck Norris post. [...]