the    sides

but there is a U in butthole.

That gem came straight from Wayne Galli this morning. I laughed hard. How many times could I have used that phrase? Too many to count.

Which brings me to NFL Training Camp Days.

Over/Under on TO meltdown with Dallas: 4 games. Mark my words, by game 4 or sooner, TO will blow up that team in Dallas. They aren’t as good as advertise and that will send TO over the top.

Most Bizarre Holdout: Ashley Lelie, WR, Denver Broncos
“Who’s that?” you may be asking. Which is exactly the point. Broncos sign Javon Walker and Lelie decides that it isn’t about the money but an opportunity to be the Number 1 receiver. Couple of pointers to Lelie.

1. You earn that on the field, not holding out.
2. You’ve had 2 years to outplay an ‘old’ Rod Smith (36) and you can’t.
3. You had 1 touchdown catch last year. 1 less than Dwayne Carswell - the backup right tackle.
4. Which means the trade you are demanding is undoable. Teams don’t want an overpaid, underachieving receiver who has no concept of reality.
4. It is about the money. As in 14K a day in fines gone. So far - 56K in fines.

Biggest “Glass is Half-Full” Team: New Orleans Saints
Get Drew Brees, get Reggie Bush, sign Reggie Bush, Reggie gives % of earnings back to Katrina victims, New stadium upgrade. I’m not saying they are playoff bound but can you name another team (other than your favorite) that you are most pulling for?

Biggest “Can We Go Straight To The Offseason?” Team: Tie: Cleveland Browns and Cincinnatti Bengals
Losing LeCharles Bentley, question marks on Kellen Winslow, and the Quarterback of the week situation in Cleveland almost makes you wish there was a “do-over” button for the season. Almost.

The Bengals have now changed their team goals from winning the AFC East and a first round bye to “Fielding enough players on opening day so we don’t have to forfeit.”

The Biggest “I Don’t Get Moves” of the offseason:
1. Titans drafting Vince Young then letting go of Steve McNair. Can you name someone better to mentor and teach Vince Young than Steve McNair? Can you name someone who has meant more to their franchise than what McNair has to the Titans? I can’t either. Dumb move.

2. NY Jets…the whole package. It’s hard to prioritize which offseason move was the worse. Letting Herm Edwards go for a 4th Round pick? Signing 4 average to below average quarterbacks in the offseason? Pinning entire season on the over 30 legs of Curtis Martin? Taking D’Brickashaw Ferguson with the 4 pick (a great lineman and pick) instead of trading down and getting multiple picks in the first round for all the holes the team has? Any one of these by themselves is forgettable if you put a team in the playoffs. All of them by the same team with a rookie coach and an old team at that…don’t get it.

3. San Diego Chargers. You sign Marty Schottenheimer and he tells you he wants/needs Drew Brees back to help lighten the load on LT. Gates is emerging as the next Tony Gonzalez except better. Marty tells you that Drew’s locker room leadership alone is worth the risk on his shoulder. Instead, you put the franchise in the hands of a 2nd year pro who’s never started a meaningful game in his life. (He played for Utah St. for crying out loud.) You’ll blame and fire Marty when the Chargers go 6-10 this year.

4. Oakland Raiders. Hire Art Shell back (good move). Keep Joey Porter and Randy Moss (good move). You let go your starting QB of last year (questionable) but you have the number 7 overall pick in the draft. Which allows you to draft…..a cornerback??? You had the opportunity to pick either Matt Leinart OR Jay Cutler. Instead you pick…a corner?????? The Greatness continues its tradition…

5. New England Patriots. It’s hard to critique the Patsies. They draft well, they sign free agents well, they’re coached well. So when they let Adam Venateri walk this offseason - to the Colts, no less - it was a head scratcher. The most clutch field goal kicker of this era. (Not necessarily accurate, just clutch. As in the opposite of Vanderjack)