sides
It was my last week in Little Rock and “by chance” I ran into a pastor-friend-mentor in a coffee shop. I’ve known him since my first month in Little Rock. Ever meet somebody and just instantly there was this connection? You didn’t need a lot of “warm up” time to trust? That was this guy. We’d see each other 6 or 7 times a year and just acted liked we never missed a day. Every time I would leave those conversations a deeper, better man of God.
He was a pastor at a very large church and has had to make some very hard, unpopular decisions in his life on a very public stage. For some reason though, we just connected. I tell him this is it - the final push to Colorado and he bursts into a “when I was a young pastor” story. He talked about how hard it was, how hurtful it was, his sense of betrayal and loss. Most of us have a story or two like that.
What made this story a little different was there was no hint of bitterness or resentment in his voice. In fact, he was smiling. Which was kinda weirding me out.
“You know, there are some things that I think God can only teach us through pain. It made me a better pastor to know what it’s like to be the low man on the totem pole on a staff and be hung out to dry. I couldn’t see it then but it was good for me to get kicked in the gut like that. There were some leadership skills and compassion that could only be grown in me through the middle of the train wreck called [name of church withheld to protect the guilty]. For a long time I thought I had wasted my time and life in that place. That’s completely wrong. God doesn’t waste anything.”
He stops. Leans back. Smiles.
At this point I’m struck by a couple of thoughts. I’ve said those words before - “God doesn’t waste anything” but this was different. It was preachy or the tagline of a Hallmark card. It was deeper than that. I believe those words but honestly there are times when I have my doubts. There are times when I do think that God has completely missed the boat on some issues. So there have been times when those words were hollow coming out of my mouth.
Not this guy. It was almost like he was whispering to himself.
I finally broke the silence. “I have no clue as to how to respond to that.”
He laughed at me - which normally is fine but I wasn’t trying to be funny. “Grant, I’ve watched you for almost 5 years. You have followed and loved Jesus well. You are going to be tempted to look at your time in Little Rock as a failure, a waste of time or maybe even just a detour. I’m betting that you will look back with awe and not just see God preparation in you but major fruit for others as well.” (Which - as an aside - can we come up with a better word than fruit? I’d like a manly word…)
He hugged me. Not one of those sissy hugs but one of those leave-the-grandparents kind of hugs. Right there in the coffee shop. I just stood there and teared up. Like a sissy girl.
So maybe we don’t need a manly word after all.
10 responses so far ↓
1 Wayne // Nov 27, 2006 at 9:09 am
Trust me — no trust God — but either way — the time here was NOT wasted.
2 raydog // Nov 27, 2006 at 11:09 am
What he said! What a wise man. But the really hard truth is that there is usually more than one ‘pain’ experience in ministry/life. ‘One’ doesn’t fill the quota. You’re young - and yes, we’re with you all the way to succeed in this thing called life/ministry! But with more road miles ahead of you, there is bound to be another sharp turn to the left.
Those pretty mountains to the west of you were made with great ‘pain’ to them. And so you and I will be too … wow - profound? Nah, just simple truth. Selah.
3 MikeS // Nov 27, 2006 at 11:12 am
Good stuff Grant. Thanks for sharing with us.
Oh, by the way, raydog said something about you being young. Does he know how old you really are?
Keep it up my friend. . .keep it up.
4 Heath // Nov 27, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Grant, I agree with Wayne. Your time in LR was not wasted, just like my time there wasn’t. It was a place for Ann and I to grow tremendously, both closer together and closer to God. Having you walking with us on that journey means more than you know. We’re prayin for ya!
5 Dr. Laura // Nov 27, 2006 at 1:19 pm
Amen…that has been my prayer…not to waste a morsel of what God is teaching me through the pain. I am a better person for having known you and Amy.
6 Derek // Nov 27, 2006 at 10:33 pm
Your time here in LR was definitley not wasted. You don’t know how much of an impact you had on so many lives here.
7 kris // Nov 28, 2006 at 7:03 am
it’s true … nothing is wasted. personally, i can’t wait to see the great life lessons God will teach you via your use of gender-negative language.
(ok, please know that i’m just kidding — but — SOME-one has to give you hard time for all your ‘girly’ comments, right???)
8 Major Wisdom -- student parking // Nov 28, 2006 at 11:26 am
[...] I put the weekly devo on my site this week. [...]
9 Rowland // Nov 29, 2006 at 11:04 pm
How could you think the time in LR was wasted with all the stinkin bass we caught down at the farm?…..sissy!
10 Karen // Dec 4, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Must be something about coming to Little Rock and learning how to be closer to God. I have experienced more pain and hardships and have grown more in the past (almost) 2 years than I have since becoming a Christian. I have also come to the conclusion that what we experience or go through has NOTHING to do with us. Sometimes it is all about those around us. What can they learn by watching us go through a trial and/or triumph. Case in point, your time was definately not wasted here!
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