sides
Since Derek and Clay have brought it up…I’ll tell the full meal deal.
It was my first Wednesday night at Grace Church. Grace was already a church divided - something at the time I didn’t fully know or understand. The shift towards a life group/student leader/relational driven ministry from a calendar/event driven one would be more costly than any of us imagined. On hindsight, it could be argued that we (I particularly in the student ministry) were trying to but “new wine” in an “old wineskin.” Church was 15 years old and had a pattern how it did (and liked) ministry.
At least until this Wednesday night.
The current volunteer team (around 23 adults) planned the night, my job was to show up, get introduced, play some games, and observe. That was the plan.
We get there, the game was not the greatest but hey - we’ve all had one of those nights. Half the students didn’t participate, sitting off to the side in their cliques. Then one of the volunteers stood up and started telling his story of how he met Jesus. The problem was half the students were all over the place and the ones that were there weren’t listening and goofing around. On top of that, none of the volunteers were helping. They were in the back talking to themselves, not engaging students.
I stopped the volunteer. “Can you wait a minute? Not everyone is here yet and this is too important. Let’s go get everyone here.”
You’d thought I just asked him for a car loan. I went to the volunteers and said “Go get the students, tell them we are starting now.”
No one moved. I repeated myself. Again, they just stood there.
I said - ‘Follow me.’
I walked up to the most popular, lead dog, senior group that was sitting off to the side not engaging, ignoring everybody. All the volunteers were behind me.
“Guys - I’m amped you’re here. XX is about to tell his story so come join us.”
They didn’t move.
“C’mon, we’re about to start and you’re not going to want to miss this.”
One of the seniors said this…”We come here to catch up, we’re not going down there to listen to him.”
“Okay. Let me rephrase. Either get up off your butt and participate or go home. Need a ride? Then walk over to that phone and call your mommy and daddy to come get you. These are your options, none of which is staying here so why aren’t you moving to one of these places?”
Half went downstairs to listen, the other half walked out the door. Yes, there was an elder’s son in the group - but that’s a whole other story. I turned to the volunteers and said “Go and do likewise. You have 3 minutes.”
I have no idea how many students were there - enough to fill the atrium of our church. That night those students had an air of arrogance, they were disrespectful, and not one adult stepped up to confront it. There was no way anyone new was ever going to fit in that culture. No one was going to get real about their junk with Jesus, or pray for a lost friend, or remotely get a taste of God in that culture. It was beyond anything I had ever seen or experienced. I felt like I was in “Lord of the Flies.”
As the students filed in, I leaned over to one of the volunteers and asked - “Is this normal?”
He told me this is how a typical Wednesday night goes. Game, students fracture off in their cliques, someone speaks, half listen, all go home happy.
Derek and Clay can fill in the blanks but basically my speech was as follows:
“Welcome to Grace Church. We exist to encounter and love God and love others. We are going to push you into areas of leadership and vulnerability that you don’t think you can reach. We are going to take a journey of seeing God do miracles, we are going know Jesus better than we’ve ever known Him and we’ll get to see Him change our lives right in front of us. We are going to take His love internationally and we are going to have a ton of fun doing it. So if you’re game for that or at the least want to try - you’re in the right place.”
“On the other hand, if you are here because you’re mom and dad make you…If you are here because it’s a cool place to hang and you’re catching up with your friends… AND you have no intentions of engaging…stay home. If you need me to call your parents for you and plead your case as to why you shouldn’t have to go to youth group, I’ll do it. If you don’t want to be here and you’re convinced to make it miserable for everyone else - let me be an advocate for you with your parents. I’ll do whatever I need to keep you at home. I’m on your side in that deal.”
“But showing up and being disrespectful and not engaging is not an option here. Are there any misunderstandings or questions about this?”
The fallout was steep. We grew from 95 students and 20 something volunteers to 20 and 4 in one week. (I’ll tell about the leader meeting afterwards one day.) I figured I’d get fired, go back to Kansas and beg for my old job back. But as rough as a start as it was - it was the catalyst in creating a place where leaders could grow and people could encounter God.
Mistake? I don’t think so. Mistake in us - pastors and elders - trying to lead an established church through a DNA change when we weren’t completely unified? Yeah. That was the big one.
16 responses so far ↓
1 wayne gooden // Mar 1, 2007 at 5:21 am
yep … DNA change without solidarity is like a first year med student doing a lobotomy. Of course I know this because I too tried that transformation.
Ahh .. experience.
wg
2 Mike R. // Mar 1, 2007 at 6:48 am
OK, I get the students going from 95 to 20… but the volunteers going from 20 to 4? Man!
So, 16 “volunteers” were there “to catch up” each week?
How many “why did you kick my kid out of youth group?” questions did you get?
3 kris-k // Mar 1, 2007 at 7:53 am
word, word, word.
i SO wish you were leading a church in north TX.
4 MikeS // Mar 1, 2007 at 8:43 am
G - Your my hero, bro. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard guys complain about their student group and never confront the real issue(s).
Dude, there’s a book, a conference, a something in there somewhere. Pastors, staffs, and youth pastors need to hear this.
Your still here. Your still serving and loving God - probably more today than when we were in seminary. Your still the apple of Ames’ eye and your kids adore you. And you still get to ruin students’ lives with the love of Jesus.
5 clay // Mar 1, 2007 at 9:27 am
that is pretty much how i remember it going, but for some reason the second half of your speech sticks out in my mind more. the angry/frustrated grant is not someone to mess with. haha.
6 kurt // Mar 1, 2007 at 12:12 pm
A story that relates…
I took over a similar type youth ministry many moons ago. Disjointed, unfocused, kids setting the agenda. Unlike your situatino, somehow the volunteers appreciated some vision and purpose.
But there was one group of kids (one a deacon’s kid) who were determined to do their own thing in the midst of the youth ministry. One thing they did to sabotage us was always showing up late to the van at events. I started to get a bad rep of never being on time when returning the kids to the church.
So, finally we’re on a trip to this mini-golf/mini-amusement park. Before the kids all take off I announce the vans leave at 9pm…don’t be late or we’ll leave you and your parents can pick you up. At 8:55 one of the volunteers spot these guys and reminds them its time to go…get to the van. Their response? “Let’s do some more rides!”
I had two vans full of kids, minus the three buggers who decide that we all should wait. At 9:10 I give the announcement…gentleman start your engines! Both vans break into uncontrollable cheering. We show up at church, and I let the moms and dads of the kids who chose to stay that they can pick up their kids at the park (it was about a 25 minute drive). Let’s just say it was an interesting week that followed!
7 Derek // Mar 1, 2007 at 2:45 pm
that is as close to how it happened as i remember. 1/2 of my friends left that night but the next 2 years turned out to be the best for me spiritually and i would argue that they were the best years for our youth group. so i guess i owe you a thank you. ha
8 h // Mar 1, 2007 at 6:09 pm
d. if those friends stayed u would have been distracted from what god was wanting to show you. no doubt!
9 Grant // Mar 1, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I’ll save the volunteer story for another post - but the goal was to never run off kids.
The goal was to hopefully capture their heart and imagination into something larger than themselves and something eternal.
Doesn’t always happen - Jesus is the ultimate stumbling block, isn’t He?
10 Zack // Mar 1, 2007 at 9:36 pm
I remember that night. I remember that you meant business and I liked that. I remember that was the first moment I knew that I liked you and wanted you to stick around. Thanks bro for cracking down hahaha.
11 Derek // Mar 1, 2007 at 10:36 pm
H, I couldn’t agree more. G, while it may have run off a few people I think it really worked in capturing some of those hearts in there…i know it did for me
12 Kitty // Mar 1, 2007 at 10:56 pm
One thing for sure, Grant - when you’re around, people (adults included) are going to be challenged. I’ll never forget your “get out of the boat” talk in Brazil. Thank you for not being afraid to be confrontational while at the same time being a great source of love and encouragement! (Amy has taught you well, huh?)
13 jlo // Mar 2, 2007 at 6:39 pm
I don’t remember that night…maybe all the studying clouded my memory or maybe I was studying?
14 the G sides » Aftermath - Volunteer Side // Mar 6, 2007 at 10:10 pm
[...] You don’t do something like this and not have some fallout…or in this case - nuclear winter. There were two more sides of the fallout to be played out and with it a cruel lesson in Southern Church Culture that everybody seem to forgot to mention in seminary. [...]
15 the G sides » Aftermath - Vocation Side // May 17, 2007 at 2:12 pm
[...] Part 1 Part 2 [...]
16 the G sides » Aftermath - Elder Meeting // May 21, 2007 at 7:48 am
[...] Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 [...]
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