It’s over.

We’ve been dancing around this issue for a while now. How many discussions and arguments have we had? To many to count. And I know I’ve said these words before but this time it’s serious.

I’m done with you, Facebook.

I’m leaving. The key is on the counter.

Don’t even ask why. You know why. And yes, we started out well – a place where I could keep parents updated on the kids and life in general. A place to catch up with students and post announcements and invite the guys over for Halo.

But then it went….pear-shaped. It got complicated. Awkward. Hurtful.

Every time we settle into a good groove, you’d change. Security settings, features, layout. In short, you became the focus of the relationship instead of a means of relationship. It’s like having another wife – I can’t keep up with all the buttons I have to push or unpush to keep you happy and safe.

And the uninvited “Wall Posts.” I get there are people that really into Twilight or politics or Pirates vs. Ninjas or Farmville. I’m happy for them — okay, honestly, I’m not happy for them. I seriously wonder about their ability to function in normal society but that isn’t the point right now. The point is – it’s my wall, not theirs. I don’t want that junk on there yet I can’t keep it off without having to constantly clicking on your website.

While we are talking about this – can you explain the logic of this? You’ll let anybody post on my wall but you won’t let me publish my blog to my own notebook anymore. What’s up with that? Petty. Very, very petty.

And you’ve devalued what a ‘friend’ is. Current friend count for me – 804. How many of these friends would stop on the side of the road to help me change a flat tire? (I know how to change a flat tire by myself – do not miss the point.) How many of them would I WANT them to stop and help me? Who would have ever thought a friend request would send me into some deep, existential debate? Are we really friends or are we just acquaintances?

You’ve forced people to be lazy and unreasonable. This isn’t totally your fault. But I can’t keep up with all these people’s lives that they seem to be living vicariously online. Partly because I have my own life that I am in the middle of. Partly because I don’t want anything to do with this voyeuristic ritual of knowing what is going on with every single person I’m connected to.

I’m tired of people putting stuff online that they would never say in person. Tired of the immaturity of trying to prove creation, evolution, truth of scripture, pro-life, pro-choice or whatever hot-button issue through links, posts, and comments. I’m tired of people dragging everybody else in the middle of their drama by posting these not-so-cryptic updates slamming someone else. I’m tired of others thinking that just because it’s on Facebook, they should have an opinion on it.

I’m tired of people asking me ‘did you see what so-so put on Facebook?’ (I didn’t. And if I did, I wouldn’t talk to you about it.) I’m tired of those people who get offended easily because they honestly think every post is a personal attack against them. (By the way, I’ve learned it’s just easier to tell them it was about them.) I’m tired of people getting unjustly upset because I am not up to speed on the drama or issues in their life that they have carefully recorded on their profile.

I’m tired of having to only ‘like’ things. Where is the unlike button? Not that it matters. I wouldn’t come back for that.

I’m tired of having to think through a post to make sure it is kind, smart, insightful, funny, non-offensive, vague enough to protect the guilty, or remotely relevant.

In short, I’m tired of you and your drama. And your unspoken expectations. And your unfulfilling, time-wasting, mind-numbing games that steal time from real life, real conversations, real relationships.

So we’re done. I’m walking away. It’s over. I hope you understand but then again it doesn’t matter if you do or not.

Real life awaits.

Grant