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How To Teach Your Kids About Grease Fires
May 8, 2012 – 8:42 am
Cinco de Mayo is normally an official holiday for the English family. We love it. This past weekend, it sort of snuck up on us but it was a fun day.
The plan was to fry some fish, make some homemade salsa and guacamole. I normally fry fish in corn meal and a “not-so-secret” mix of spices that include Creole seasoning, salt and pepper. My grandmother fried fish this way. It’s awesome. Even people that don’t like fish, like my fish.
And I wanted to try something different. Mistake 1.
We found a batter that was flour based. I put the grease on the grill, getting it hot and ready to fry.
Normally, I stand there and watch it. Yes, it’s slow and boring but it’s safe. My dad’s a fireman, some things just sort of stay with you.
Whatever made me run inside and try to finish up the batter for the fish, I don’t really know. I do know that it was taking forever. Batter was working, was too thick, wasn’t sticking — just not working – when Coop says – “Man – the grill is really going good.”
There is nothing but smoke coming out of the grill. I know what’s happened. The grease in the iron skillet on the grill is so hot that it is burning, more than likely when I open the lid there is going to be a fire ball….on my brand new back porch.
I run outside and kill the gas burner. (Good.)
I can feel the heat from the grill and see the flames. (Not good.)
Amy grabs a bowl to smother the fire. (Good.)
I open lid of grill to put lid on skillet. (Not good.)
Fire shoots up into the sky. (Cool looking, but overall – not good.)
I get the bowl over the skillet and smoke goes everywhere. (Good.)
I tell my son that no matter what happens, he is NOT to put water on a grease fire OR call Topeka Fire Department. I would never hear the end of this if the Chaplain had to call the FD to put out a fire.
Meanwhile, new batter recipe has hardened a bit. (Not good.)
We move iron skillet off to the side so that we can get Fry Daddy out to continue making dinner. In process of moving iron skillet, bowl is knocked off pan and grease is still so hot, it catches on fire again. (Not good.)
Amy comes out with a big iron lid. That snuffs out fire. (Good.)
We finally get to frying fish. (Good.)
Batter will not fry right for some reason. Fish is dried out, crispy mess if we fry batter right. Batter is dripping goo if we keep fish moist and white like it’s supposed to be. (Not good.)
We dump new batter recipe, go back to old way. (Good.)
Cooking fish has now taken us 3 times as long as normal. (Not good).
Good news — the fish was awesome…finally. And I’m not changing my fish recipe ever again.
Darth Vader and Christmas Flash Mob
December 18, 2011 – 8:48 am
My two favorite things – Star Wars and Christmas…
Alabama is ready for a rematch with LSU
November 18, 2011 – 7:55 am
My buddy Wayne ‘the Italian Stallion’ Galli sent me this. It’s to funny to not send it along.
Only With Danny Payne, Moment #24
October 17, 2011 – 6:32 pm
I’m here in KC for the KNCSB Convention and got a chance to grab some face time with Danny Payne. We’ve been friends forever and so dinner felt ridiculous fast.
As we were leaving, I approached a member of the wait staff for a mint.
“Ma’am, I was wonder—”
The look on the person’s face made me think that I’d made an error – that I had mistakenly called a him a her.
“I mean — sirrrrrr.”
But that wasn’t right either. He didn’t really look like a he but nor did she look like a him.
I turned for some backup from Danny. He was gone. Mentally and physically. I vaguely remember him walking out the door and falling into the landscape, laughing hysterically….like a girl, now that I think about it.
I turn back to my dilemma.
“Uhhh….I need…a mint… A mint. Do you have a mint?”
“We don’t have any mints.”
Hearing the voice should have given me a hint as to the gender…but it didn’t. I was toast.
“Alllllrighty then.”
And I walked outside to a Danny Payne who was crying to hard to utter a complete sentence.
What are supposed to do? All I wanted was a mint. I didn’t want to ruin this person’s life and cause gender-identification issues. I’d blame Danny but I tend to run into these situations on my own.
I remember my sister-in-law asking they lady who was bagging her groceries one day when she was due. The woman replied – “I’m not pregnant.”
Now, if a man was to do this…it’s game over. There is no comeback. There is nothing that could be said to remotely redeem the situation. Nothing. With my sister-in-law – she says – “Oh, I’m pregnant and I just think everyone else is as well.” And all was right in the world.
It was totally genius.
There is no genius for what I did.
“Oh man…I’m sorry. I remember my voice not changing for 13 years, as well.”
“I loved you in the Matrix.”
What do you say?
Danny proved to be no help whatsoever. An utterly worthless wingman.
I Do To Know Somebody Famous…
October 11, 2011 – 3:15 pm
Every now and then, I find myself doing something utterly ridiculous. Yesterday during staff meeting that happened. Somehow the comment/discussion came around to ‘namedroppers’ and I felt very, very, insecure because I don’t know anybody famous. I mean – they don’t know me. I don’t have anyone’s cell phone number on my speed dial.
Little bit later in the meeting, we were looking over spiritual gift surveys and which ones we thought were most helpful to us, clearest, least amount of church language. We were looking online, looking at books when I remembered the one my good friend and mentor Gene Wilkes used in his book Jesus on Leadership. I rushed down to get the example, turns out you can download it for free from the Lifeway website.
Then I remembered — Gene is FAMOUS!! He’s an author!! I do know someone famous and so I called him right there in the middle of the staff meeting on speaker phone…just knowing that Gene would answer and say “Grant!! How are you? Why aren’t you watching the Rangers right now?” Or he’d say something in Greek and I’d be forced to go look it up.
Instead, I got his voicemail. Which is cool…I get it…but that pretty much solidified my “I don’t know anybody famous” status.
PS – Gene called me back later and did ask me why I wasn’t watching the Rangers. Which at that point I was. We were screaming and didn’t hear the phone ring. Go Rangers.
Another Drew Litton Mention…
September 23, 2011 – 10:22 am
I’m on a roll. I’ve told you about Drew Litton before, right? Well, 3 weeks in a row in his caption contest I’ve managed 2 honorable mentions and 1 win. That the one win came at the expense of the Raiders is particularly sweet. I may have found my second calling. Or not. Either way, it’s fun. Here was this week’s post and caption winner.
Awesome entries this week! We had over 100
Paul Buchheit came in first with this one:
“If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…oh yeah, I guess I do.”
Jasper H. was a close second with:
“I should have taken my talents to South Beach!”
And we had these other great captions:
Louis
“(*sung to the song “The Hokey Pokey”) You put Tim Tebow in, Kyle Orton out, you put Tim Tebow in and you shake them all about…..”
John was first with this one:
“Who put this in my front yard?”
Derek entered this one a few days later
“Did they have to put it on my front lawn?”
Mark Knot (from a cubicle in the basement)
“Now I know how Jake Plummer felt”
DR Larkin
“Isn’t a Wheaties box enough?”
Dennis
“Week one and I’ve already been voted off the island.”
Chris
“And I thought Chicago was bad.”
Grant
“I really think the Friar look was his best one.”
Brandon Schmitt
“I guess ‘THE DRIVE’ now means seeing this on the way to the stadium.”
I’m A Winner!!
September 2, 2011 – 3:06 pm
Last week I told you about Drew Litton. He was (and still is) my favorite cartoonist. I actually won the Caption of The Week Contest. Which means I got my name on the cartoon drawing!!
I might need to get this all big and in color.
Update on Cammy’s Party Mix CD and Kids Camp
June 14, 2011 – 11:58 am
I talked here about the importance of a good CD of music before any child or student heads off to camp. At least according to Camber. And I noted the one single flaw in Camber’s plan – what if the car she was traveling in didn’t have a CD player. I did NOT tell Camber about this flaw. Amy filled me in on the rest of the story last night.
As Camber climbed into one of the sponsor’s car, she asked her – “Do you have a CD player?” I am very proud of this as I did NOT tell her about the single flaw but alas she figured it out for herself. Like I said — I am very proud.
“We have a CD changer…and I don’t know how to work it.”
Cammy: “I can figure it out.”
We haven’t heard if she destroyed the CD changer in the car or not but I’m guessing it is all well. And praying for her and the rest of the crew for a great encounter with God this week.
My kids and my sermons don’t always turn out like I plan
June 13, 2011 – 10:49 am
And that is a good thing.
Yesterday at lunch the topic was my sermon. This is not normal for us. I want to talk about anything other than my sermon but today was different because Cayden got so tickled yesterday in the middle of my message, she thought she was going to have to leave.
Actual excerpt of conversation:
Cayden: “Daddy – you are really funny. I mean – how do you think of that stuff right off the top of your head?”
Amy: “He doesn’t. He studies and preps all week.”
Cayden: “Really?”
Grant: “Well…yes. But I can be funny right off the top of my head too.”
Camber: “True, but they are usually insults…followed by beatings.”
Grant & Amy: “??????”
Cooper, Cayden, and Camber now all bust out into laughter. Turns out they are quoting something they heard on iCarly. Camber has been waiting forever for the perfect place to use that quote and she found it.
This starts a nonstop tirade of iCarly quotes which leads to an insightful critique of last nights iCarly/Victorious combined episode. Of which, Cooper thought it could have been better and considered it mostly a waste of time. Cayden thought it was awesomest show ever. Camber thought it was a complete waste of time. She hated the commercials and she had some other issues with the show which I really can’t recall at the moment.
Camber and I talk about how to burn a playlist on a CD in iTunes for the drive to kids camp this week. This is really important to her because she doesn’t want to get stuck in a car with bad music. That would be a horrible way to start kids camp. Having some dorky song stuck in your head as you leave for a whole week of kids camp. Need to get a cool Christian rocking song stuck in your head for kids camp and the only way to make sure that happens is to make the CD yourself and play it on the way to camp.
I like her logic. It makes complete sense. There is only one problem with this plan…and I do NOT tell her this. What if she gets in a car that doesn’t have a CD player? I’m guessing this thought never crosses her mind because she’s never known a car without a CD player which is ridiculous if you think about it. I remember cars only having AM radio. I think she would die if she knew this.
I’m 6lbs Lighter
May 26, 2011 – 7:18 am
I got in a text battle with a dear friend of mine yesterday. The Stallion, Wayne Galli – who is literally half the man I am I’m serious, he’s half of me in height and weight. The Stallion was giving me grief about calling Orange Leaf ice cream when it really isn’t ice cream. It’s yogurt or fro yo as the say in the “business.”
I will quote from the text:
WG: Orange leaf is not ice cream.
GE: Don’t be bitter.
WG: No bitterness, just pity.
GE: I’m 6 lbs lighter because of orange leaf….sort of.
WG: LOL
Wayne said something else to me which I’m not comfortable putting on the blog. I didn’t say it was dirty, just that I’m not comfortable talking about it. Which is really just a code way of throwing him under the bus.
But both of us lied to each other.
First, I doubt seriously he laughed out loud at my orange leaf comment. Maybe chuckled or thought amusing, but laugh out loud? Really? Do I really think he laughed out loud?
And I really haven’t lost weight because of Orange Leaf. I’ve lost weight because Amy has started dragging me up and down hills 3 times a week, 3 miles at a time. We are in our 2nd or 3rd week doing this. I’m not really sure. Time flies when you are having fun… or being tortured.
So while I am still twice the man of Wayne Galli, I am hoping to be less than that as the summer continues. I’m shooting for 1 and a third of a man.
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