What a church. What friends.

Yesterday, another family kidnapped my kids and let them invade their pool with their family. My kids didn’t want to come home.

Meantime — I’m getting much need time to study, dig out of emails and mail.

And pray for our high schoolers who are at Super Summer this week.

However, I am struck by many things on this occasion.

Chick-fil-a’s new spicy chicken sandwich is awesome. The fact that they did this on my birthday is humbling and I’m very appreciative. It’s not everyday the most awesomest fast food chain in America makes a new sandwich in your honor.

I have so many dear friends in my life. Yes, they give me quite a bit of grief but they love me. That is a gift of God. I could not keep up with the thank yous in email, facebook, twitter, and carrier pigeons. I had birthday greetings from California, Washington, Brazil, Budapest, Germany, Denver, Little Rock, Alabama and all places in between.

I’m now getting introduced to kids as “This was my youth pastor!” I secretly think this is one of the greatest honors ever.

My wife is so freakin’ awesome. She made me breakfast in bed. That’s not why she is awesome but it helps. Seriously, we’re closer now than ever. I’m so humbled she’s stuck with me through my immaturity to now — when I’m less immature.

I have 3 sets of parents that are awesome.

Life is just awesome.

Thank you all for a great birthday. You can come take the black balloons and graffiti out of my yard now.

Okay, it doesn’t use the word nicked but it should because that sounds cooler than stolen. And the signs are everywhere. Can’t miss them.

I pull up to the mall to redeem my free handful of awesomeness otherwise known as a Chick-fil-a sandwich, grab my laptop shove it in the backseat when I remember the signs (MJ song) and decide to take it with me. It’s a MacBook, not just a regular laptop so the odds of an envy-induced theft are high.

I get another survey for another free sandwich (I don’t know how I do it) with my order. Go sit down on one of the few comfortable benches in the mall and enjoy the most awesome sandwich ever made. Finish, throw away trash, and poke head in sporting good store to see what is ridiculously overpriced today. I walk for a full five minutes when I see another one of those wonderful signs.

That’s why I carry my laptop! I mean, what idiot would leave their laptop in the car??

Maybe the same kind of idiot that would leave it in the mall besides a bench.

I instantly become one of those people we pity when we see in public. I’m running, praying out loud, calling Amy to tell her to pray and looking at every person for my case. I didn’t think my heart could get any sicker until I made it back and saw that my laptop was gone.

I go back to the store across the hall. The only thing more ridiculous looking than a grown man running through the mall praying out loud on the cell phone with his wife is a grown man in tears asking a store clerk if anyone has turned in a laptop. You know, like it’s a hairbrush or set of keys or a jacket.

I appreciate the restraint of the clerk for not saying “Dude – haven’t you read all these signs?”

They point me to the mall security office. I walk in and explain my situation – the nice lady says “Grant? Grant English?” Um….yes. “We used to go to Western Hills. Let me make a phone call for you.”

What I don’t know – did they used to go and left before I got there or am I reason they left? In my panicked state, I don’t ask but do wonder. I don’t really have time to explore this conversation.

“I’ll send him downstairs.” She turns to me – “They have it downstairs in customer service.”

“Praise God. He does take care of fools.” She smiles. I’m probably the reason they did leave.

I get downstairs and the lady is holding my laptop for me, smiling. “Bet you feel better, huh?”

“There are no words.”

And now my heart rate is back to normal and I’m thankful for decent people who are still in the world and happen to shop at the West Ridge Mall.

Here’s why. They broke in the best NCAA basketball game in years to tell us about rain and a tornado 150 miles away….for an HOUR!!!!!

Look – I get it. Tornado coming, pop on tell the community tornado is coming, then pop off. Don’t stand in front of a green screen with circa 1980 graphics telling in all the cool cloud formations and what they mean for the next 55 minutes. We don’t care. If we are in the tornado’s path – we’re not listening anyway, we’re hiding in the basement.

So either way – it makes no sense to crash into programming for an hour. None. Throw up the picture in picture screen, do the annoying non-HD scroll announcement on the bottom since your station is too cheap to have HD – even though this is a capital city. Do anything except what you did.

And don’t stand on the TV and justify WHY you are not going back to the game and giving me score updates. All that does it make me angrier. Because it means YOU are watching the game while I have to watch YOU.

This is why Google is not coming to Topeka.

There — I feel better.

But it did bring up a crucial question in the history of humanity. Where’s the 2nd guy? Meaning, it is completely understandable for one individual to do or wear or say something utterly ridiculous. It is on the 2nd guy to correct that behavior so that it does not turn into a social phenomenon. The Macarana immediately comes to mind.

It’s the 2nd guy who could have stopped the insanity by saying — “There’s no way you’re wearing that bucket on your head” but obviously he didn’t. He lied and therein gave credibility to something utterly ridiculous.

So this is the partial list we came up with…add others as they hit you.

Fez hats with tassels
Rocky Mountain Oysters
Double Luge
Running with Bulls
Bungee Jumping – we had some disagreement here. I mean, if the first guy didn’t die — it’s legit.
Fire Walking
Ear Gauging
Milking a Cow – think about it…
Mullets
Exercising in spandex