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ESPN’s Roll Tide Commercial
December 20, 2010 – 7:31 pm
It’s not a commercial, it’s a documentary. This happened to me in the Atlantis Hotel in Nassau, Bahamas. I’m walking down the hallway and one of the workers there said in his accent “Roll Tide!” I yelled, “Roll Tide” back.
A Man’s Guide For Christmas
December 17, 2010 – 12:26 pm
Let’s face it, men. The holiday season is tough. We’re supposed to be happier about spending more money on stuff we don’t need for people we are not sure we even like. The Christmas lights are always tangled. It’s always -34 degrees when you finally decide to put the lights up. Add to that the Christmas parties, concerts, recitals, and all the Christmas cards you get in the mail from people your wife says you know but you honestly have never seen them.
I know how you feel. I’m here to help. I’m even going to make this easy for you. So pay attention.
Presents
Let’s start with presents. Gifts. Loot. We don’t buy for just anybody. However, if you find yourself in a position to HAVING to get a gift for someone other than family – here are a couple of suggestions that you can’t go wrong with.
1. Gift Cards – Amazon.com, iTunes, Starbucks.
2. iPad – this is not for you to buy one for your friends but mainly for your rich friends so that they will buy one for you.
For the wife:
No appliances of any kind. Do not under any circumstance buy her anything from Victoria or her secret. Jewelry is safe (but expensive). A night out without kids is relatively inexpensive and shows much forethought and care.
Depending on how long you’ve been married, you can try to do the whole — “I bought this for you but really for me” kind of gift. Stuff like a BluRay player, flatscreen TV, iPad or pretty much anything electronic but they see through this pretty quick. Fortunately for us, they love us anyway. You can get away with this a couple of times so choose wisely when to do this. It can’t be your go-to gift every year.
Kids:
Girl — anything pink and/or a doll/figurine of some sort. This seems to work for every age except the ages of 16-21. Researchers are still baffled as to what works during these ages.
Boys — sports, electronics, jerseys, tickets to sporting events…basically, if you like it, he will. Regardless of age.
Christmas Parties
It’s a fact of life…you are going to have to attend a couple this year. So make the most of it.
First,know exactly where the host puts your coat. Do NOT miss this information. Nothing will drag out your escape longer than having to track down your coat. Do NOT do anything else at the party until you lock down where your coat will be stashed.
Second, head for the food. All the good snacks get sucked up first and you don’t want to miss out on them. Plus there will be other guys that don’t really want to be there and you might find a new friend.
Third, wear a team sweater or golf shirt so that you’ll have something to talk about other than work. And don’t be that guy that shows up to a party and then talks about work for 45 minutes. If you find that guy, find a bathroom. It’s about the only place he won’t follow you into. Then come out and scream in a Jim Carrey voice – “Do NOT go in there.” That will pretty much end the party night for you.
Family Time
We all want more of it until we get it then we wish we had less of it. Couple of activities that will make this not only bearable but enjoyable.
Light Hunting. With a little internet search and investigation, you can find the cool houses with lights and music in your area. Put the kids in PJ’s and a thermos of hot chocolate and go light looking. This is good for about an hour.
Movies
We have two movies we always watch – Elf and White Christmas. Kids can barely make it through White Christmas but we make them. Elf is awesome. Awkward/Embarrassing Christmas Moment: A couple of years ago I grabbed all the kids and watched A Christmas Story as a family. 1. The TV version is edited, the DVD is not. 2. After the shock of a few words that I had forgotten, came to the painful realization that kids don’t like voiceover movies. A Christmas Story is not an English family tradition.
We also do a Christmas “real” movie together. With a family of 5, we don’t go to the theater often. Scratch that – we make it once, maybe twice a year. Much cheaper for us to wait till BluRay or DVD and watch it at home. But this has become a cool tradition for us – take an afternoon matinee movie the whole family can enjoy.
This year it looks like we will divide and conquer – Tron Legacy for everyone except Cayden. Cayden will have a special Nana and Cayden date with Tangled. It works out for us all.
Christmas Eve Service
We will be having ours at 6pm at Western Hills. It will be awesome, funny, kid-friendly. Not all services are this way. Some are very serious. However, fun or serious — you have to do this. Even a bad Christmas Eve service is better than no Christmas Eve service.
Awkward/Embarrassing Christmas Moment: Cooper dumped a whole tray of communion juice at a certain Christmas Eve Service. He was 4 or 5. It was awful in the moment but awesome now looking back at it. There isn’t enough money in the world to buy that kind of memory. So find a service, show up and really enjoy it.
Family Meals
They take forever to set up and prepare then 20 minutes to be done with. This is the best advice I can give you on this one — just enjoy the process and make sure somebody brought a pie. Enjoy a glass of wine or sparkling grape soda as you prep. We make the kids clean up while we enjoy conversation and dessert.
I hope this guide helps you over the next week. I welcome any comments, corrections, and additions below.
This is the Pumpkin I’m Carving This Year
October 28, 2010 – 7:21 pm
And this is further proof Rick Stones is the coolest worship leader ever…
Raising Girls Is A Wee Bit Different
September 29, 2010 – 7:12 am
I’m thankful I was made aware of this fact early in my life, long before I had kids. My good friend and fishing buddy Bill Watkins had two daughters. If ever there was an unlikely candidate of being a daddy to daughters, Bill was it. He was a former general contractor turned football coach. And he was a good coach at that, managing to get 5 stars of talent out of 2 and 3 star kids. He was tough but fair, demanding yet respectful. He loved the Lord, his girls (wife & two daughters), football, and fishing. And most of the time in that order.
I was one of the luckiest guys on the earth in that he spent the few days off he had taking me fishing with him. We’d take his boat to Lake Ray Roberts with the hopes of getting into some largemouth. Sometimes we even caught fish. Other times we fixed the boat, dodged thunderstorms, bailed water, or outran tornadoes. It was always an adventure.
And we always talked. About anything. He was a rare friend that you could be completely silent with or talk all day long. Didn’t have to pretend or filter anything. We talked fishing and football and faith, he’d bring up kids and parenting every now and then. Since Amy and I had no kids at the time, I knew a lot more about parenting than I do now. In fact, I wish I was as good of a parent now as I was then — with no real world experiences or real kids getting in the way. But Bill was always vulnerable about raising girls and how inadequate he felt most of the time.
One of Bill’s favorite lines was “Having kids changes your world, having girls changes the universe.”
I remember asking him – “Seriously, Bill. How hard can it be? Look at you and then look at how awesome your daughters turned out. If you can pull that off – I like my chances.”
He’d smirk at me, shake his head and mumble…”You’re only saving grace is Amy” and keep fishing.
I’ve got my own two gorgeous daughters now and I know exactly what he was saying. Bill was gracious enough to let me live in my stupidity at the time. And I often wish for those Friday morning fishing trips now if only to give Bill an opportunity to see how right he was about so many things.
Raising girls is another universe. I had someone brag on my girls to me the other day saying they appreciate their outgoing, self-sufficient personalities and how helpful they are. Most of that is due to their mother and the awesome job she does with modeling what a woman of God looks like.
But some of that is also because of Bill Watkins and his effect on me.
To raise girls who know who they are in Christ. That their value is in the depth of their character, not the width of their waist. That they are complete and whole in Christ alone, no need for a boyfriend or a man. I want them to know that they are gifted and called by God to serve with Him and for Him, that their gender is not a hindrance in their walk with Christ. That they are not princesses that need to be rescued or damsels in distress but rather arrows in the hand of a skilled warrior. If they yield to His skill and aim, they will make an impact far beyond what they imagine.
That the big deals start with little deals, being kind is better than being right, being honest is better than being liked, and being funny is better than being a diva. And one day, when they are 34 and there is room for another man in their life, I want them to make sure he is more in love with Jesus than he is with them.
And if he ever touches them, I don’t mind going back to jail.
Amy is At Super Summer
July 20, 2010 – 12:03 pm
Apparently, the church is concerned about the English family because we have someone delivering dinner tonight, Wednesday night, and Thursday night.
What a church. What friends.
Yesterday, another family kidnapped my kids and let them invade their pool with their family. My kids didn’t want to come home.
Meantime — I’m getting much need time to study, dig out of emails and mail.
And pray for our high schoolers who are at Super Summer this week.
Birthday Thoughts
June 4, 2010 – 12:06 pm
I’m 40 and I really don’t feel 40. Reminds me of that saying from the great philosopher Eddie Van Halen – “I don’t feel tardy.”
However, I am struck by many things on this occasion.
Chick-fil-a’s new spicy chicken sandwich is awesome. The fact that they did this on my birthday is humbling and I’m very appreciative. It’s not everyday the most awesomest fast food chain in America makes a new sandwich in your honor.
I have so many dear friends in my life. Yes, they give me quite a bit of grief but they love me. That is a gift of God. I could not keep up with the thank yous in email, facebook, twitter, and carrier pigeons. I had birthday greetings from California, Washington, Brazil, Budapest, Germany, Denver, Little Rock, Alabama and all places in between.
I’m now getting introduced to kids as “This was my youth pastor!” I secretly think this is one of the greatest honors ever.
My wife is so freakin’ awesome. She made me breakfast in bed. That’s not why she is awesome but it helps. Seriously, we’re closer now than ever. I’m so humbled she’s stuck with me through my immaturity to now — when I’m less immature.
I have 3 sets of parents that are awesome.
Life is just awesome.
Thank you all for a great birthday. You can come take the black balloons and graffiti out of my yard now.
The Irony Of A Lost MacBook
April 27, 2010 – 8:37 am
Our local mall has started putting up these wonderful signs that instills faith in the human race – “Please do not leave valuables – laptops, purses, phones – in your car. We are not responsible if they get nicked.”
Okay, it doesn’t use the word nicked but it should because that sounds cooler than stolen. And the signs are everywhere. Can’t miss them.
I pull up to the mall to redeem my free handful of awesomeness otherwise known as a Chick-fil-a sandwich, grab my laptop shove it in the backseat when I remember the signs (MJ song) and decide to take it with me. It’s a MacBook, not just a regular laptop so the odds of an envy-induced theft are high.
I get another survey for another free sandwich (I don’t know how I do it) with my order. Go sit down on one of the few comfortable benches in the mall and enjoy the most awesome sandwich ever made. Finish, throw away trash, and poke head in sporting good store to see what is ridiculously overpriced today. I walk for a full five minutes when I see another one of those wonderful signs.
That’s why I carry my laptop! I mean, what idiot would leave their laptop in the car??
Maybe the same kind of idiot that would leave it in the mall besides a bench.
I instantly become one of those people we pity when we see in public. I’m running, praying out loud, calling Amy to tell her to pray and looking at every person for my case. I didn’t think my heart could get any sicker until I made it back and saw that my laptop was gone.
I go back to the store across the hall. The only thing more ridiculous looking than a grown man running through the mall praying out loud on the cell phone with his wife is a grown man in tears asking a store clerk if anyone has turned in a laptop. You know, like it’s a hairbrush or set of keys or a jacket.
I appreciate the restraint of the clerk for not saying “Dude – haven’t you read all these signs?”
They point me to the mall security office. I walk in and explain my situation – the nice lady says “Grant? Grant English?” Um….yes. “We used to go to Western Hills. Let me make a phone call for you.”
What I don’t know – did they used to go and left before I got there or am I reason they left? In my panicked state, I don’t ask but do wonder. I don’t really have time to explore this conversation.
“I’ll send him downstairs.” She turns to me – “They have it downstairs in customer service.”
“Praise God. He does take care of fools.” She smiles. I’m probably the reason they did leave.
I get downstairs and the lady is holding my laptop for me, smiling. “Bet you feel better, huh?”
“There are no words.”
And now my heart rate is back to normal and I’m thankful for decent people who are still in the world and happen to shop at the West Ridge Mall.
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