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It’s Not A Sin To Be A 7th Grader
July 14, 2010 – 11:12 am
Marko mentioned something akin to this on his blog last week – and God is reminding me of it everyday this week.
There is no such thing as 12 year-old loser. They are a blank slate, an opportunity, a white board. They are full of promise and potential but not a loser. They are curious, whimsical, at times aloof, always honest, and teachable.
There have been a couple of public announcements that have teased our 7th graders about being 7th graders and it’s rubbing me the wrong way. And I’m not a saint – I’m guilty of teasing to much, taking jokes to far, not being sensitive to the moment. So much of this rant is as directed to me as anyone else but I can’t escape the importance of mentors for this age group.
Am I more aware of because my son is a 7th grader? Or because I’m finally growing up and maturing? Or because after all these years of student ministry I finally understand how important it is to start early and start deep? Or it’s more evident than ever that our younger kids get so few encouraging words?
Not sure why. Could be the lack of sleep. I’m one of the few (only?) lead pastors here at camp this week. I’m hearing from more and more youth pastors how they wish their lead pastors were more involved…and I understand both sides of the fence. There are things about being a lead pastor I never saw and understood as a youth pastor. There are pressures and pulls that I never had as a youth pastor.
But…when it all gets said and done this one truth still demands a response – being in the 7th grade is incredibly difficult and it’s one of those rare windows we get as an adult to make a difference.
Because there is no such thing as a 12-year old loser.
The Starting Blocks of Beyond the Starting 5
May 14, 2010 – 2:43 pm
This is part of the Beyond The Starting 5 project. A writing safari where I explore the idea of what people-development looks like in the local church. I have no idea what I’m doing, mileage may vary.
My first attempt in trying to ‘institute’ this idea of people-development was with a team of youth volunteers. We were all eager and excited but we quickly realized we had one major problem. None of us really knew where to start. Part of the problem (and maybe I should have listed this as another obstacle) was that so few of us were really developed (discipled) in the first place. And those of us who were had two opposite extreme experiences.
The Navigators/Crusade/Para-church Method
There is a point A and a point B. There is a mentor and a mentee. There is a definite path to take and way to do it. And we will ONLY do it that way. Learn this tract, this subject, this method. When we get the checklist done, you are ‘discipled’ and ready to lead.
There is a lot to like in this method. It covers the basics. It’s easy to understand. It’s focused. It’s structured. Some would argue TOO STRUCTURED.
However, there are some limitations to it. It’s often times more focused on getting a person enough KNOWLEDGE to perform a certain task than it is developing them as a person. The goal is to either get that person to lead a small group Bible study or share their faith. Both tasks are awesome things but it’s not necessarily developing the person. It still functions like “we train to run the program” instead of developing the person. When this kind of method runs into someone who doesn’t fit, the job is no longer trying to develop that person but to find someone else who does fit.
I’m not saying it’s incorrect. It’s just incomplete. And while this method rubs us visionary/abstract random people the wrong way, let’s face it — for years (decades?) it was still better than anything the local church or denominations were putting out. Which could probably be best summarized by this…
The Osmosis/If You Throw Enough Stuff On The Wall It Will Stick Method
Get a little Old Testament, a lot of Gospel, a little Revelation, a dash of the Letters. We’ll sprinkle in some current events and hot button issues that really aren’t hot button issues for those outside the church walls (worship style, dress codes, women in ministry, denomination politics). We’ll meet once a week and ask questions like “have you just lied to me” which puts us in this “Spiritual Police” mentality. Just hang around people who look like they know what they are doing and eventually you will catch “it.”
There is a lot that goes wrong with this method. Those people who look like they have it together really don’t. Ends up they are more focused on keeping the mask on. If people found out how messed up they (I) were, they’d be kicked off the team, out of the church. Besides that piety is easier than messy spirituality.
BUT – the one true nugget of this method that shouldn’t be missed is that true people development is going to mean hanging around people and getting involved in their TRUE story BEFORE we figure out the destination.
Every time I get a chance to sit down with another ministry leader, I’ll ask this question:
“When you start to develop and invest in person, what are the markers you want to hit? How do you know that your discipleship/people development process is working?”
And that’s the question I’ll tackle next. Unless something else comes up.
Tinkerbell Is Evil
May 6, 2010 – 9:30 am
guess no one here likes puppies..you are some sick sick twisted people! I bet you didn’t clap for Tinkerbell.
– @RC2k (via Twitter)
I responded –
Tink stands for everything evil in women – to tiny, dresses skanky yet ‘pure’, drama queen, in love with boy who cares less – @thegsides (via Twitter)
As a sidebar, RC2k is “Ray” and he has a cool blog. Not as cool as mine. Okay, it’s better than mine but don’t tell him I said that.
The point is Tinkerbell really does stand for everything we don’t want our daughters to grow up to be like.
She flies around half-dressed. Yet, she’s “innocent.” What kind of double-message is that? Is it really logical to dress like that and then be shocked when you’re treated like an object?
She sticks her nose in everyone’s business.
She’s gullible. She believes Captain Hook over Peter Pan? Nice discernment.
Her taste in men is questionable. Peter Pan never grows up. I don’t want my daughter following around any boy that doesn’t grow up. I don’t mean he has to be serious all the time but maturity is essential. Besides that, Pan could care less about Tink once Wendy shows up. Do you really want to be with someone who is only looking for the next best thing?
She’s easily made jealous. Which means she probably has some self-esteem issues but besides that – I want my daughters to be secure enough in who they are so that no one can make them feel inferior.
She’s a drama-queen. The whole bell ringing every time she is upset about something? Does any one really like this kind of life?
Her existence is dependent on the approval of others.
No. I am not a Tinkerbell fan. Let the comments begin!
Beyond the Starting 5
May 4, 2010 – 5:21 pm
This post is the start of a writing safari, an experiment. I want to explore the idea of what people-development looks like in the local church. Why is it important? What will it do? What does it mean? Please be warned, I have little to no idea what I’m doing, your mileage may vary.
Anyone who has ever played basketball knows the starting 5 will only get you so far. The long term success of a season and a program depends on those beyond the starting five. Attrition happens. “That is the sound of inevitability, Mr. Anderson.” (Yes — I had to get a Matrix quote in somewhere.) There will be injuries, ineligibility, sickness, lack of performance, and who knows what else that will knock people out of the starting positions.
Every coach knows this. What separates the great ones from the not-so-great ones is how they prepare for this reality. The great ones develop and invest in more than just those starters. They are relentless in the development of every one of their players. Systems, offenses, defenses, training programs may change from year to year but what doesn’t change is their non-compromising focus on developing players. They know that a culture like that takes years to develop. They also know that if they didn’t develop other players, their program could fade into mediocrity or worse – oblivion – in just one season.
Think about it…the teams that are historically good -Duke, Kansas, North Carolina – have coaches that have established a system that is totally focused on developing players. The wins come as a result of developing players. They are intentional about it. They eat, drink, and sleep player development.
It’s easy to see this same principle play out in the local church. Churches that ‘get it’ and are making a long-term impact on their community are churches that are relentless on developing people. They turn their whole organization upside down to help develop people. The programs are just tools, the focus is on developing people.
Every single aspect of a church’s vision depends on developing people. Every single goal and idea is dependent upon this concept.
Think I’m wrong? Think that’s an overstatement? Have you read the Great Commission lately? This concept should not be a huge shock to most of us. The collision of the Great Commission and the Great Commandment is exactly what I’m talking about – making disciples because we love them. Developing people because we love them. Because God loves them. I mean, seriously, this should NOT be this much of a stretch to understand.
Yet, it obviously is. How many churches wishes they had more leaders? More spiritually deep people? How many churches are running their programs with a great starting 5 but no bench whatsoever?
I’m in the same boat, so don’t read this like I’m the expert. Far from it. So for the next 30 days, I’m going to try to flesh out this idea, try to find some handles on this concept and maybe in the process figure out what are some practical steps that we can take to create a culture where we focus on developing people more than anything else.
This isn’t just a mental exercise for me either. I’m a pastor of a church that is in this boat. We have some of the most incredible volunteer leaders on the planet. The problem is there is no one really beyond the starters.
And it’s true that means we are in deep weeds if anything should happen to them. Or they get tired. Or God calls them to do something else. But that’s not really a good reason to develop people. That’s a self-focused kind of reason that ultimately fails. It ends up being guilt.
It’s important to start thinking about this and start doing something about it because to NOT to is to reject the Great Commission. To not start developing people is an utter failure in making disciples. And making disciples is different than running a great program.
It’s possible to run a great program and never make a disciple. It’s real easy to confuse the two…and I think that is where I’ll start tomorrow.
The Ongoing Safari of Beyond The Starting 5
Running the Program or Developing People
I Can See Clearly Now…
Obstacles and Developing People In The Church
The Starting Blocks of Beyond The Starting 5
I’m Looking For A Raft
RAFT, Part 2
Why Not Every Sunday?
April 5, 2010 – 9:47 am
Life Group last night offered up probably one of my favorite moments of the whole weekend.
My good friend, who is a new believer, offered up this gem – “The most powerful words of the service this morning were “He is risen” then hearing the everyone say “He is risen, indeed.” I’d never heard that before. I just stopped in that moment and was just completely blown away by the reality of that statement.”
“Why don’t we do that every Sunday?”
The entire Life Group just stopped. Out of the mouth of babes…. I have absolutely no good reason as to why we don’t do that every Sunday.
Here is this new follower of Jesus and what he is going to remember most about that service – what had the most impact on him – was not the songs, the stage set-up, the sermon but the simple declaration of why we worship every Sunday, not just Easter.
This is another reason why I believe every spiritual leader needs to be in a discipling relationship with a new believer. They have so much to teach us.
Discipleship In An Instant World
September 30, 2009 – 10:18 am
I was at Oasis today in Emporia. Oasis is a one-day refreshment for area youth pastors and Danny Payne has hosted it the last two years. He asked me to come lead a round table discussion.
Instead of having an outline of points to make, I had questions. Here was the list I brought…
Who can be discipled by you?
How much time do you really have per month to do face to face, 1 on 1 to 3 discipleship?
What skills do you want a person to have after spending 6 months with you?
What key questions should you be asking every time you sit down with a leader?
What’s the focus of the questions you ask the people you are discipling? Are they program/ministry questions or are they soul care questions?
What’s the end game look like? What does maturity look like?
I challenge you to answer those questions before you read much further. At least think on them for 10 seconds.
Okay, I know you didn’t answer them but I’m going to keep writing anyway.
Who can be discipled by you?
How much time do you really have per month to do face to face, 1 on 1 to 3 discipleship?
I only really get 2 to 3 hours a month 1 on 1 with whomever I’m discipling. Serving together is important, doing ministry together is huge but face to face, 1 on 1 conversation time is alarmingly low. That fact alone stresses the importance of being selective in who we disciple. They have to want it as much as you want to give it. They have to be exercising/serving somewhere. For me, they also need to be in a life group – preferably the same one I’m in.
Why do I have all those strings attached? Because if I’m only going to have 2 to 3 hours of 1 on 1 time, we’re going to need more time together. And serving with each other, in the same Life Group, same Bible study just multiplies the effectiveness of that 2 hours of face time. It makes it more like 14 hours a month.
What skills do you want a person to have after spending 6 months with you?
Heard lots of good answers to this question – vision of ministry (love God, live connected, serve in Jesus’ name), an increase hunger for the word of God. The big thing for me is this – movement. I just want to see some movement. Doesn’t necessarily have to be what I wanted it to be but it needs to be something. A change in habit, a change of opinion, an openness to discussion – something. I want to see something in 6 months that clues me in this is a valuable investment of time.
What key questions should you be asking every time you sit down with a leader?
What’s the focus of the questions you ask the people you are discipling? Are they program/ministry questions or are they soul care questions?
This series of questions had the most ‘oohh, ouch’ moments for us. I constantly have to remind myself that my primary aim in discipleship is SOUL CARE, not ministry care. It’s not a sidebar team meeting to figure out how to better run the ministry. Asking questions about ministry allows us to remove the focus from our heart to external things. I need to ask questions that focus on the heart, the soul.
Some of the good questions that came out:
How’s your soul? Mountaintop? Valley? Rut? Stuck? Climbing? Falling?
How’s your relationship with your spouse?
What’s the biggest victory/celebration point in your life?
What’s the biggest frustration right now?
What is God showing you in the scriptures right now?
What challenged you about the last sermon/bible study/life group?
What do you see in my life that you want?
What do you see in my life that I need to change or at the least think about?
What does the journey look like for you? What does maturity in Christ look like?
This was actually tougher to answer than you think. The list at first was pretty task oriented – read more scripture, memorize scripture, able to feed themselves spiritually, know their gift, use their gift. Good stuff but honestly, we can get those things from a large group Bible study or life group. I’ve touted many of those things on the list. But it’s possible to do the list and be no closer to looking like Jesus.
This hit me during our Ephesians study at church – Paul’s answer to what maturity looked like is found in Ephesians 4:1-6. Here’s the short list:
Completely humble
Completely gentle
Completely patient
Bear with one another in love
Keep the Unity thru peace
So that’s the goal for both of us. That means when we sit down and we talk, we’re looking at how to improve in these areas – humility and gentleness being the sledge hammer for me. Actually…patience is another one.
Life Groups and Marriage
September 18, 2009 – 10:01 am
I’ve spent the last three weeks hanging out with leaders on Sunday nights. It’s our “Turbo Group” – a group of leaders who care enough about people to learn how to a Life Group (WH’s small groups). This Sunday will be the last night we hang out in a while and we’re starting a new sermon series the week after that called “I Want A New Marriage.” The timing of these two events isn’t coincidental.
One of the biggest issues facing families today isn’t finances. It’s the quality of their marriage. The financial crunch is often times just the issue that exposes the cracks. With the divorce rate hovering around 66% both inside the church and outside, we’re beyond the ‘it’s a problem’ stage. It’s a crisis. An epidemic. The walking wounded go beyond than just the kids that are caught in the crossfire. It goes to the wife who is ashamed to tell her friends that her marriage is crap. The husband who is to macho to ask for help. The divorcee who refuses to return to church because that institution was at best silent on the issue – at worst, the judgmental voice that condemned him to live life disconnected from God’s people.
I’m amazed at real, gritty, edgy, raw and pointed most conversations in scripture are about marriage and how most churches speak about marriage in the exact opposite manner. That won’t be the case with this new series. I’ve told our congregation every week now that this series has a PG-13 rating and now is a great time to experience our children’s ministry.
But I know the shelf-life on a good message is about 3 days. Meaning – showing up and listening to a few sermons on marriage isn’t really going to help a marriage anymore than watching football is going to get me in shape. This is where our Life Groups could be a huge piece of the marriage healing puzzle. That’s why the result of this Turbo Group is crucial for us. It’s going to provide some contexts for people to get help.
One of the best ways to improve our marriage is to hang out with people who do have great marriages. Watch, observe, interact, be vulnerable with them. Listen. Do life with them. Wisdom is better caught than taught. And that is what a Life Group is – a context to hang with others, be vulnerable, get help and hope.
Room Full of Leaders
August 24, 2009 – 4:24 pm
Last night our house was invaded by twice as many people as we expected for our Turbo Group. Basically, it’s a room full of people who are passionate about God and people and want to be better at leading our Life Groups. We talked about the need for community, the obstacles of having it, the 5 key disciplines that have to happen in a Life Group for community to happen.
It was a humbling start to the process of creating a culture that reproduces fully-devoted followers of Jesus. At church that morning, we took the sign up list which only had 12 names on it and started adding up who told us they were coming. It topped out at 31. Amy asked me – how in the world are we going to get 31 people in our house? In the same room?
“I have no idea. I’ve never had 31 people want to show up for something like this. Are these people normal?”
No, they’re not normal and that’s exactly the way we like it.
Vick, Second Chances, and the Church
August 14, 2009 – 11:23 am
By now you’ve heard that the Philadelphia Eagles have signed Michael Vick. Yes, that Michael Vick. And the PR coming out of the NFL, locker rooms, management is a unified — “Everybody deserves a second chance. I’m glad he got one.” This comes on the same week that Dante Stallworth was suspended for at least a year from the NFL for killing a man while driving drunk. Will that same message come through next year for him?
As I’ve watched and listened to the press this week, my thoughts have consistently returned to the Church and how we treat our ‘prodigals.’ The NFL may just be modeling something for us…
While the rest of the media and league were concerned with if Vick should even be given this chance and the fallout if any organization took him on…Vick, Tony Dungy, and Roger Goodell were working behind the scenes to make sure that IF this was going to happen – the context would be perfect for success. Money wasn’t the issue, culture was the issue.
Look at the particulars of the situation. Andy Reid is a straight-up coach, has had to deal with his own family demons, he’s well-respected in the league, and he didn’t blink about benching Donovan McNabb. There are no star treatments in Philly. Vick will get a fair shake and he won’t be treated like a star.
There’s no QB question as to who the face of the organization is in Philly – Donovan is the man. Vick will be a role player at best. End of story. Philly doesn’t worry about selling tickets, they already do that. It’s a blue collar town. Vick has allowed Tony Dungy full access to his life, a mentor. I promise you this alone has MASSIVE weight in the NFL. Dungy may be the most respected man inside (and outside) the league. Reid and Eagle ownership have given Tony Dungy all-access to the Eagle’s organization and to Vick.
Vick, Dungy, and Goodell have done everything they could to set Vick up to win. Should he even be given this chance? A chance to resume a normal life, to work, and get on with his life? Absolutely. A chance to be the leader and the face of a franchise? Never again. And that is exactly what those three have done…the pressure to lead a team or be the face of an organization is not on Vick. The responsibility shouldn’t be on him either, he blew that chance. But he can still contribute.
Now the ball is in Vick’s hands. And the cost is minimal to the Eagles and the NFL. If Vick fails this time, it will cost him everything. It won’t sink the Eagles or the NFL. They are going to do all that they can to help him but ultimately he has to make the decisions and keep walking the path.
It’s almost the perfect example for the church. How To Restore A Fallen Brother/Sister… Surround him with a mentor that will speak truth into their life, no holds barred. Get with the leadership to make sure everyone is on the same page. Put person back in context with minimum risk to the organization, maximum opportunity for the person. Have clear roles and understanding in that context. Have a clear leader to report to. Have clear consequences if it doesn’t work out. Have maximum vulnerability and authenticity in that context. Take the risk together.
Make Known The Mystery
August 12, 2009 – 11:15 am
Last week I preached on Ephesians 3 – the mystery of God and how our mission as the mystery is to make known the mystery. KNOW being more than just intellectual assent, but rather an experiential…well…experience. To taste and see that the Lord is good. Today was another example for me.
A bunch of ladies had been sewing nap mats for Kindergartners at McCarter all summer long. They’d meet up at the church on Thursday morning, start about 9 and sew till lunch. They tried to get me in on the sewing but it was quickly apparent I was a lost cause at things that require fine motor skills.
Last week we took school supplies to McCarter and were invited back on the first day of school (today) to help the teachers distribute the nap mats. So this morning those same ladies showed up at McCarter to help put names on nap mats for the kindergartners.
While there, some teachers were spray painting recess lines on the playground. Immediately a couple of our folks started helping. They didn’t get it all done but it was a start. As the ladies were leaving, a couple of teachers pulled aside Amy.
“We’re floored by what you guys are doing. Absolutely floored. Why?” We love Jesus, we love kids, we love our city, and we want to help. No strings attached, in Jesus’ name.
Simple, straightforward, we don’t expect anything in return. Just an opportunity to serve…again.
My prayer for us is this – as school cranks back up and we get refocused on our own lives we don’t miss the opportunites to continue to serve in Jesus’ name. I pray we leave room to continue to chase after Jesus on this journey of serving others.
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