weekly evos
Plumbing Consecration
This originally appeared as a weekly devo for whillschurch.org
As Mari was teaching this past weekend about the Ark and the people of Israel consecrating themselves for the journey ahead (Joshua 3), I started thinking about my tub. I had to fix mine this past weekend and it’s been rumored that the average home repair takes 3 trips to the local hardware store. Personally, I’d love it if it only took me 3 visits. Fortunately for me, I didn’t need any trips to the store for this fix. We had a slow drain.
The big decision I had to make was this – should I lug my whole, heavy toolbox upstairs or just grab the tools that I need? Obviously, I don’t want to be carry all that weight and all those tools upstairs. Besides that, I’ve done this job before so I know what I’m doing.
Trip Downstairs #1: I grabbed my channel-lock pliers, a screwdriver, and a wire coat hanger. Why the coat hanger? Ask someone who has daughters or a wife with long hair. They can tell you the gross details.
I get back upstairs to the tub, grip the top of the drain with the channel-locks and quickly realize that I cannot hold on to the bottom part of the drain. It’s too slippery. I need another set of channel-locks.
Trip Downstairs #2: Get second set of channel-locks.
Back upstairs to the tub, grip the bottom of drain. Top turns right off with little problem. Grab screwdriver to completely remove drain when I notice I have a Phillips head and I need a flathead.
Trip Downstairs #3: Grab flathead screwdriver.
Back upstairs to the tub, put screwdriver into tub drain and now see that this particular flathead is too narrow. I need a wider flathead.
Trip Downstairs #4: Grab fatter flathead screwdriver.
Back upstairs to the tub, fatter flathead works like a charm. Drain comes right off. Grab wire hanger to clean out drain. Realize I don’t have my plastic trash bag to put treasure that I am digging up.
Trip Downstairs #5: Grab plastic trash bag. Grab rubber gloves. Pat myself on back for avoiding Trip Downstairs #6.
Back upstairs to the tub, clean out drain with no problem. Put…stuff in bag and then tie bag up.
Put drain drain back together and realize that during Trip Downstairs #5, I took the fat flathead out of my pocket to answer the phone. Fat Flathead is now sitting on downstairs kitchen counter.
Trip Downstairs #6: Grab fatter flathead.
Back upstairs to the tub, put the drain back in with no problem. Grab bag to throw. Bask in the glory of a job done.
Trip Downstairs #7: Grab an ice tea and some peanuts. Amy asks – did you test to see if that solved the problem?
Back upstairs to the tub. Turn on water. Drains like a…well…not really sure what simile to use here. It works great.
Trip Downstairs #8: Tell Amy yes. Realize I left my drink on the bathroom counter upstairs.
Sell the house for a single floor, ranch style home.
I am curious how many of us approach our faith like this? We show up to a task bringing the bare minimum of what we think is required for the job. After all, we’ve done this before. We know what we are doing. We just want to get this done so that we can go on with the rest of our day/week/life.
Instead, our lack of CONSECRATION to the task at hand turns a simple job into a lot of work, a lot of frustration, and at times makes the accomplishment of the task impossible.
I loved Mari’s definition of Consecration she taught us this week – to make ready, to get prepared. When God told the Israelites to Go!, He first told them to GET READY – to consecrate themselves. Do what you know to do, what you need to do to be in a place to obey, to get the job done.
Next time you hear a GO! from the Lord, consecrate yourself. Bring the whole tool box.
He Uses The Dark Threads Too
Image is of Stirling Castle in Stirling, Scotland. More info can be found here.
This originally appeared as a weekly evo for whillschurch.org
Last night we opened Christmas gifts from my Dad and Mary while they were on FaceTime. (By the way, this is just one more reason why I think the iPhone is best invention ever. But I digress.)
Mary is my stepmother who turned my son and daughters to the dark side. She discipled my own kids against me right under my nose to become Auburn fans. I was powerless against her. My dad has questioned my paternal leadership because of this. My only response has been – she’s your wife and you couldn’t stop her either.
As the wrong kind of orange and blue presents were being unwrapped, my dad asked me – “How many Christmases is this for y’all?”
“Too many. I’ve quit fighting it.”
We will have Christmas with my Mom and Dad (stepdad). Christmas with Dad and Mary. Christmas with Amy’s parents. And then our kids will get the gifts we got them as well. It’s ridiculous and I’ve fought this for so many years and lost every single time. It’s hard enough for parents to win against one set of grandparents. Try three.
But 35 years ago, I would have never seen this day as a possibility. That was when my world was put upside down by my parent’s divorce. It wasn’t common back in the 70′s particularly in the Deep South. I had never heard of it. Didn’t even know that was possible.
But it was happening to me and it wasn’t pretty. At age 7, I understood little of what was going on. I just knew that my world was completely shattered and changing in ways I had no control over.
A very dark thread.
Black threads on a tapestry add depth, perspective, and balance. In the hands of a master artist, they give a framework for the masterpiece. They are never the focal point. But without them, the focal point never takes center stage. Those that enjoy the art hardly ever notice the black threads. We are too overwhelmed by the rest of the picture. But they are there.
We all get black threads. The question is what to do with them. Do we stuff them away? Denying the shame, guilt, and hurt? Believing that there is no place for them in our lives? Or do we make them the centerpiece? Choosing to be a victim forever more. Focusing on the darkness, believing that there really is no color left in life?
Only a true, gifted master artist can take a mistake, a blotch, a dark thread and weave into the larger picture to make it look like that it belong there all along. Using the mistake as a strength. Taking the bad and make it reflect something good.
But this requires leaving the black threads in the master’s hands. Allowing him to use it when and where he sees fit. It might not be immediately seen what he is doing but we trust his handiwork. We’ve seen him do this before – over and over again. So we trust him, even though it looks unfixable, unredeemable.
35 years later, I’m living in the middle of a rich, deep, wonderful tapestry. All of the in-laws, out-laws, and step-laws love each other. They exchange gifts between themselves. They’ve spent holidays all with each other over the years, stayed in each other’s houses. Impossible? 35 years ago – yes.
But God does his best work in the 9th hour with the darkest threads…when He’s given the chance. His own birth is proof of that.
Merry Christmas. And know that He still uses the dark threads.
Dear Facebook, It’s Finally Over.
It’s over.
We’ve been dancing around this issue for a while now. How many discussions and arguments have we had? To many to count. And I know I’ve said these words before but this time it’s serious.
I’m done with you, Facebook.
I’m leaving. The key is on the counter.
Don’t even ask why. You know why. And yes, we started out well – a place where I could keep parents updated on the kids and life in general. A place to catch up with students and post announcements and invite the guys over for Halo.
But then it went….pear-shaped. It got complicated. Awkward. Hurtful.
Every time we settle into a good groove, you’d change. Security settings, features, layout. In short, you became the focus of the relationship instead of a means of relationship. It’s like having another wife – I can’t keep up with all the buttons I have to push or unpush to keep you happy and safe.
And the uninvited “Wall Posts.” I get there are people that really into Twilight or politics or Pirates vs. Ninjas or Farmville. I’m happy for them — okay, honestly, I’m not happy for them. I seriously wonder about their ability to function in normal society but that isn’t the point right now. The point is – it’s my wall, not theirs. I don’t want that junk on there yet I can’t keep it off without having to constantly clicking on your website.
While we are talking about this – can you explain the logic of this? You’ll let anybody post on my wall but you won’t let me publish my blog to my own notebook anymore. What’s up with that? Petty. Very, very petty.
And you’ve devalued what a ‘friend’ is. Current friend count for me – 804. How many of these friends would stop on the side of the road to help me change a flat tire? (I know how to change a flat tire by myself – do not miss the point.) How many of them would I WANT them to stop and help me? Who would have ever thought a friend request would send me into some deep, existential debate? Are we really friends or are we just acquaintances?
You’ve forced people to be lazy and unreasonable. This isn’t totally your fault. But I can’t keep up with all these people’s lives that they seem to be living vicariously online. Partly because I have my own life that I am in the middle of. Partly because I don’t want anything to do with this voyeuristic ritual of knowing what is going on with every single person I’m connected to.
I’m tired of people putting stuff online that they would never say in person. Tired of the immaturity of trying to prove creation, evolution, truth of scripture, pro-life, pro-choice or whatever hot-button issue through links, posts, and comments. I’m tired of people dragging everybody else in the middle of their drama by posting these not-so-cryptic updates slamming someone else. I’m tired of others thinking that just because it’s on Facebook, they should have an opinion on it.
I’m tired of people asking me ‘did you see what so-so put on Facebook?’ (I didn’t. And if I did, I wouldn’t talk to you about it.) I’m tired of those people who get offended easily because they honestly think every post is a personal attack against them. (By the way, I’ve learned it’s just easier to tell them it was about them.) I’m tired of people getting unjustly upset because I am not up to speed on the drama or issues in their life that they have carefully recorded on their profile.
I’m tired of having to only ‘like’ things. Where is the unlike button? Not that it matters. I wouldn’t come back for that.
I’m tired of having to think through a post to make sure it is kind, smart, insightful, funny, non-offensive, vague enough to protect the guilty, or remotely relevant.
In short, I’m tired of you and your drama. And your unspoken expectations. And your unfulfilling, time-wasting, mind-numbing games that steal time from real life, real conversations, real relationships.
So we’re done. I’m walking away. It’s over. I hope you understand but then again it doesn’t matter if you do or not.
Real life awaits.
Grant
A Thin Place: Adopted
Photo is of the Scottish Highlands from the personal journal of actuality.log on emphaticallystatic.org.
I first heard the term ‘Thin Place’ from my closet-mystic buddy in Little Rock, Arkansas. He was a brilliant mind, worked in the medical field and for all exterior looks was a very rational, cerebral man. But on the inside he longed for the ‘thin places.’ Those places where the holy and mundane collide. Those places where we get a surprise glimpse of the eternal, the Kingdom revealed – he used to tell me.
The phrase stuck with me – Thin Places, holy moments. He always slipped into an Irish brogue when he said it – so I’ve always equated Thin Places with the Scottish Highlands. Even though Scottish and Irish are different…I know. The point is we had a Thin Place moment this weekend in our service.
You wouldn’t think a Thin Place moment would happen in a service where all the kids under 5th grade were at the front in a conversation with the pastor. At least, I wouldn’t have ever thought it would happen in that kind of setting. My biggest goal was to stay as engaging and active with the kids as possible so they would understand the concept of Wonderful Counselor.
I also was prepared in case it went pear-shaped (see last week’s devo).
It’s a double-edge sword working with kids like this. They have no filter. Which means awesome interaction as well as …”Hey look, it’s a squirrel” moments.
And we had some squirrel moments. One child saying she hated wearing clothes for Christmas. Another saying that her cat was the most wonderful thing in her life. Another talking about how wonderful ninjas are.
And then it happened.
“What else is wonderful, beyond words wonderful in your life?”
Adopted.
The. Room. Just. Stopped.
Thin Place. Holy Moment.
It felt like eternity was stuffed in those 3 seconds.
Adopted.
The boy was in our life group. He and his sister loved coming over. I looked at the boy’s dad. He was in part shock, part awe. I knew him well. I wasn’t sure how he was keeping it together. I figured he’d be a blubbering, crying mass of emotions. I looked at the mom. She was beaming, like she was going to float right out of her chair.
The entire room took a breath.
Adopted.
The parents had already raised their own kids – gone, on their own. They were looking forward to some grandchildren. Then the someone asked for the largest favor on the planet – we need help. We’ve got these two kids – a brother and a sister – they don’t have anywhere to go.
What were they supposed to do? Say no? On the other hand, what were they thinking? Start all over again? Did they have that many more miles on the tread?
Adopted.
It’s been a year or two. The adoption was final just in the last couple of months. There’s never been any regrets. The kids think they got the coolest parents in the world (they do), the parents wonder how they are still doing this and loving this (they really do know the answer to that as well).
Adopted.
What a word for the rest of us at Christmas. The boy was talking about himself but he might as well been talking about all of us. Christmas is about adoption. Our adoption into the family of God through our faith in the Christ-child.
Adopted.
Christ was born and lived so that we could say the most wonderful thing in the world is…
Adopted.
What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are. I John 3:1 MSG
I’m Trying To Be More Of A “Yes” Parent
This originally was written for the weekly evo on whillschurch.org
Cooper and I stayed up to midnight Monday night to get the ‘new’ Halo:Anniversary Edition video game. It’s actually an old game that they’ve digitally remastered. Think the Star Wars movies in the ’90s without making Han Solo shoot second. (Yes, Lucas…we are still mad about this. And it’s not going to matter if you put it in 3-D. Han shot Guido first and it should stay like that. And I’m not thrilled about the end of Return of the Jedi on the Blu-Ray either…another post, another time.)
We do things like this. We did the midnight Harry Potter movie experience – both part 1 and part 2. We did the midnight Star Wars experience. And now the Halo Midnight Experience. And so far, they’ve always been fun but last night was a bit different. The crowd was a bit different. Lots of black, wallets on chains, goth, boot wearing kind of people. Not really what I was expecting.
I’ll let my texts between Amy and I tell the story…
Amy: Lots of people there?
Grant: (Sends above picture) Yep.
Amy: Anyone Coop’s age or all older?
Grant: All older. And probably all live in their parent’s basement. With Cheetos.
Amy: Ha ha
Grant: I’m dead serious. I honestly think that most of these people are not normal.
Grant: Cooper just informed me that if he had a Master Chief outfit, he’d totally be rockin’ it right now. I told him … “By yourself.”
Grant: The guy behind me just said that this line (around 75 people) is small compared to last week. (It’s like this is church or something..) I’m tempted to turn around and ask how does he have the money to buy new games every week but then that would probably lock me into a conversation with a guy that I really don’t want to talk to.
Amy: No need for weird random conversations at midnight.
Grant: Amen to that.
A few seconds of silence…
Grant: There are some REALLY weird people out here. I really need to tweet some of this stuff.
Amy: Don’t forget – you are in that line as well.
Awkward moment of realization.
Two things that are important about this experience, though. First, there was another game released beside Halo this week. Some game called the Elder Scrolls or Trolls Are Us or Dark Magic. It explains all the goth that was being thrown down in the line Monday night.
Second, I really wanted to stay home. But I’m glad I went. That’s a night that won’t happen again. That’s laughter and a memory that one day we will both tell around the Thanksgiving table with multiple generations. And all it cost me was just a few hours sleep. That’s it. Small price to pay.
I’ve caught myself at times taking the lazy way out of parenting. Saying ‘no’ to things that really don’t have a moral or value judgement behind it. More like – “I’m tired and I want to be left alone” value. And there are times when I absolutely need some alone time to recharge and refocus…but it can’t be at the expense of my family. Can’t.
Ephesians 1:3 got me thinking about this. Our Heavenly Father has given us every spiritual blessing in Jesus. Anything that has to do with a relationship with Him, deepening an experience with God, He has said “YES” at every single point. Jesus was the biggest YES in history. No – you’re to sinful, messed up. I’m too busy, too pure comments from God. Jesus was his “Yes” to every relational question and pursuit to humanity.
I want to be that kind of dad to my kids as well. Anything that is going to deepen my relationship – yes. Anything that is going to further their journey towards and with Jesus – yes. And when my first reaction is to say “no”, I’m going to pause and ask ‘how come?’ Is there a deeper value at play here? Is this a situation where I need to protect? Or is the ‘no’ just part of being lazy?
We got home and played the first mission. Coop crawled into bed by 1 am. We were both seriously dragging Tuesday morning…but it’s just sleep.
There Is No Private Life
This originally was posted as a weekly devo on whillschurch.org.
Oswald Chambers in My Utmost For His Highest:
There is no such thing as a private life…God divides the private life of His saints and makes it a highway for the world on one hand and for Himself on the other. No human being can stand that unless he is identified with Jesus Christ.
This is the biggest obstacle for anyone who wants to really grow in Christ – the letting go of the fantasy that we have a private life.
Let me clarify a bit. There are parts of life that are not public. Cuddling on the couch with my wife. Listening to one of my kids process failure and hurt. Correcting the selfish behavior of a child. Helping a friend deal with loss. Repenting of my own failures. These are moments that are not public but neither are they private.
There are also conversations and thoughts that I either keep to myself or only share with trusted friends. Why? Some of them could harm other’s walk with Christ. Some of them are just stupid and not ready for public consumption yet.
Most of us think of “private” as this secret place where we can do pretty much what we want with no implications or fall-out in the public realm. That’s the kind of private Oswald was talking about. And that kind of place is called Fantasy Land. It doesn’t exist. That is an impossibility solely based on the way humans are designed. We are a tangled mess of emotion, thought, spirit, and body. What I think effects what I feel effects everything else.
What we do and think in private eventually plays itself out in public anyway. What is IN us will eventually show OUT of us.
The irony of our culture is this – we hear messages every day that tell us that our private life is our private life and it’s different than our public life. We’ll hear so much of this during the upcoming election year – that the private shouldn’t really matter in the public. Yet every reality television show proves different. “The Secret Life of an American Teenager”, Survivor, Jersey Shore,…heck even Basketball Wives blatantly shows us that the private never stays private and it ALWAYS effects the public.
But back to my original point in all of this – if we (Christ-followers) really want to grow in Christ, we have to get it out of our head that we have a private life. Or even that it is our life to begin with.
People who function with private and public departments in their being never become whole. At best, they live scared. Always wondering when the other shoe will drop. At worst, it all comes caving in on them…sometimes in very public ways.
It is a huge place of growth to get to this place of – my life is not my own. I’ve been bought with a price. (1 Corinthians 6:19).
When this happens…we’ll really be in a place to infiltrate.
Did You Listen To The Rest Of Your Own Sermon?
This originally appeared as a weekly devo on whillschurch.org
After my message a couple of weeks ago on ‘inflitrate’ I had a couple of people confront me. Here is the backstory. I said Jesus’ model on earth was to infiltrate and change. Salt. Light. Incarnation. All about dealing with people up close and personal and working life change into them by grace and truth. We as the church are called, gifted, and expected to function the same way. Infiltrate where God has put you.
Then I said – I’ve got a couple of meetings to go to over the next few weeks that I’m dreading. I’m going to sit in the back with my arms folded because I’m tired of hearing about big solutions to big problems that will never work because the only real hope of the world is Jesus.
Those two dear friends asked me the same thing: “Grant, did you listen to the rest of your own sermon? Did you ever think the reason you are at these meetings is to infiltrate?”
Ouch.
I pondered on those words as I attended the KNCSB Annual Meeting. For those of you who don’t know, Western Hills is a part of a larger community of churches called the Kansas-Nebraska Convention of Southern Baptists (KNCSB). What does that mean? It means that while we are ‘autonomous’ as a local church, we choose to participate with other churches for the purpose of missions and other ministry opportunities. Together we can do more than apart. Autonomous means that we hire who we want to, partner with our community the way we want to, decide what ministries we want to invest in, and personalize how we want to accomplish making disciples in our context. Being in the convention connects us with other churches who share the same theological base as we do for the purpose of sharing the load in missions and other ministries – In-Depth, Super Summer, women’s ministry retreat, disaster relief, and other opportunities as well.
I’m new to this convention stuff…this was only my 2nd Convention meeting. But there were two things that I heard that practically stopped me in my tracks.
Only 2% of Christ-followers have verbally shared their faith.
Christ Followers are saying having an ‘outward’ focused church that deeply teaches the scriptures is vital to their own spiritual walk.
The first one stopped me in a bad way. I just don’t want to believe that 98% of Christians are quiet about what is supposedly the most important aspect of their life. I don’t want to believe that but what if it is true? Then I wonder why are they quiet? Do they not know how to share their faith? Are they scared to? Are we as churches becoming the “Gospel Station” for people – drive by with your friends, we will fill them up with the Jesus story?
The second statement stopped me because I didn’t realize it needed to be said. But it does. It goes back to what we’ve been talking about the last 3 weeks – institution vs. infiltration. An organization left to itself without a vision to drive it forward will become an institution. And institutions are inward, self-preserving entities.
This Sunday, I’m going to unpack from Scripture, God’s plan for keeping the church on an infiltrate path, not an institution path. But I’m happy to report that we have leaders in our Convention that are committed to this same idea – infiltrate.
Not institute…but infiltrate. More to come.
Grinding It Through
This originally ran as a devo on whillschurch.org.
Amy ran in the Race for a Reason Half Marathon this past weekend. That’s 13.1 miles for those of you scoring at home. This is her 5th half marathon. She ended up finishing 6th in her age division. I’m incredibly proud of her and happy for her.
On a normal race, I’d have the 3 kiddos and our job is to meet her as often as we can along the race, giving her encouragement. This race – I followed her…on my bike. That’s right. My bike. It was great. I could ride alongside her from mile 6 onward.
I’d never been able to do that before. Even when she trained and took her long runs, somebody had to kinda stay with the kiddos. But this time I got the behind the scenes tour.
Allow me to state the obvious about 13.1 miles. It’s a long way to run. The physical aspect alone intimidates me. The mental aspect – it’s boring as heck. I mean…right foot, pain, left foot, pain, right foot, pain, left foot, thirst. Rinse and repeat forever.
I kept talking to Amy and pointing out stuff. Trying to just keep her encouraged because you know — 13.1 miles is a long way to run.
I am crazy proud of Amy. I enjoyed chasing her on my bike for 13 miles. But after this I think I’m pretty convinced that I am NOT running 13.1 miles. I fairly convinced my body wouldn’t make it. I’m entirely sure my mind wouldn’t.
Then again…who knows. Maybe. Who am I kidding?
Amy’s been trying to talk me into running one with her for a long time. I’m guessing she will continue to try to talk me into it. Here is her theory…
It’s more mental than physical. You just have to be able to put in around 8 or 9 miles, adrenaline and determination will take care of the rest. She says that it is more important to have the mental make up to grind through perceived walls. You have to be able to push through.
I’ll take her word on the half-marathon but I think she is on to something in the spiritual realm. There are times when you just have to grind it out. The real depth and growth of a person happens in the everyday routine, putting one foot in front of another. No parades, no songs, no magic. Just the grind of putting miles underneath your feet.
Oswald Chambers said it this way…
The test of a man’s religious life and character is not what he does in the exceptional moments of life, but what he does in the ordinary times, when there is nothing tremendous or exciting on.
The real training of a half marathon happens on those long runs – 8, 9, 10 mile runs. Those boring, long runs when no one is there. The discipline and guts to just keep putting one foot in front of another.
The real training of spiritual depth happens on those long days, when no one is watching. When no one is keeping score and there is no audience. The discipline of keeping one foot in front of another.
And it always help to have a running partner with you.
Keep grinding through it. That’s where real spiritual maturity is found.
Maybe I will run a half….one day.
On A Mission From God
This originally appeared on whillschurch.org as the weekly evo.
If our only participation in the Missio Dei occurs on Sunday, we are missing multiple opportunities to step into God’s story and activity in the world throughout the week.
David Manner
These words came from David Manner’s blog (which is a great read, I highly recommend it). And in case you were wondering – Missio Dei is Latin for Mission of God.
And I can’t NOT think about the Blues Brothers when I hear those words.
Say what??
There is actually a point in this…hang on.
David’s point is this – to show up on Sunday and worship is to miss God’s story. To only see worship as that one hour on Sunday morning, to only go to worship with the mindset of “what will I get fed this morning” is to miss the whole point of life after the cross.
The mission of God happens 24/7. It’s us being Jesus where we are. We ‘church’ wherever we go, we participate in the ‘Missio Dei’ where ever we are Jesus. And these experiences outside of the Sunday morning experience is true worship and will add to the experience on Sunday morning, making it a richer experience. True worship makes us engage in the story of God, not retreat from it. True worship pushes us to focus outward, not inward.
On October 15th, we are going to participate in the ‘Missio Dei’ at McCarter for Sharefest. (Sign up now if you haven’t already!) On October 29th we are going to participate in the ‘Missio Dei’ at the Potawatomie for Trunk or Treat. We participate in the Missio Dei with Upward, with the work at the Topeka Rescue Mission, and others that I’m sure I am forgetting.
So what has that got to do with the Blues Brothers?
EVERYTHING!! Can’t you see? The whole movie was about getting the band back together for a gig — but it really wasn’t about getting the band back together. It was about helping people in their journey…the gig was just the icing on the cake. (Yes, the analogy breaks down terribly from this point on and this is why I’m stopping here…)
To only show up on Sunday – to focus on the ‘gig’ – is to miss the mission of God. And that’s for both the staff that creates and leads the service as well as those who show up to attend. The Missio Dei is a lifestyle, a journey. It’s an adventure of investing ourselves in others in the name of Jesus.
And that’s what we are supposed to be about. Join the Mission.
Cue music –
Is Divorce Ever Okay? Part 1
This originally appeared on www.whillschurch.org as a weekly devo.
This is part 1 of a 2-part devo.
Our Art of Marriage series has been absolutely incredible. We are hearing some incredible stories as a result of it but any series on marriage is going to bring up one question:
Is divorce ever okay?
Very rarely is this question asked for theory’s sake. There is normally a very personal, very painful reason for the question. There is no easy button with this question but any answer must start with Jesus’ dialog with the Pharisees in Matthew 19:1-12 on the same exact subject.
It’s not very encouraging to realize that religious leaders have wrestled with this question for centuries. In Jesus’ day, there were two common position that the Jews held concerning divorce. The first one believed it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any offense – disagreement, disrespect, disobedience, burnt the toast. The other position believe that only for the reason of sexual immorality was it allowed. The Pharisees came to Jesus to get his position on the matter.
If you are asking about divorce, you’ve missed the point of marriage.
Jesus takes them back to Genesis 2:24. God’s intention from the beginning was that a man leave his mother and father, be united to his wife, and the two become one flesh. Forever. What God has put together, let no man tear apart. Ideally – even in the instance of sexual immorality – marriage is one man + one woman for life. The story of Hosea makes this crystal clear. God designed marriage to reflect His character and His character is to seek and love us even while we were still sinners.
The Concession of Divorce
This was obviously NOT the answer any of them expected. Even the disciples were a bit shocked by the answer (we’ll get to them in a minute). The Pharisees counter with the story of Moses issuing divorce certificates in Deuteronomy 24. The Pharisees claim that this story shows that God allows divorce and the real issue is figuring out the parameters of what is a ‘lawful’.
Jesus corrects their memory. He reminds them that divorce was already happening and the certificates were issued as a concession to protect the woman from the hard-hearts of the man. Women were being abandoned with no legitimate way to provide or protect themselves. With no proof of divorce, remarriage was dangerous and could get her accused of adultery and killed. The certificate of divorce allowed the women to remarry without fear of punishment from the ex-husband. Concessions like this in Jewish law were common and they sought to protect victims from further abuse or harm, to mitigate the damage of a sin. Laws concerning the treatment of slaves or accidental deaths are other examples of this.
The concession on issuing the certificate of divorce didn’t justify divorce as option anymore than the slavery laws justified slavery. It was allowed and provided for the protection of the woman.
Then Jesus dropped these words – “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
There are two ways to understand Jesus’ words here. The most common understanding is that the only legitimate reason for divorce is adultery. While I think this is acceptable, I’m not convinced this is exactly what Jesus meant nor am I convinced this is how those around Jesus understood it.
I think Jesus was reframing the morality of marriage – much like he did in the Sermon on the Mount. I think Jesus was saying – remove the clause – if anyone divorces and remarries, he has also committed adultery. The clause just says the obvious – a marriage that has experienced adultery is already shattered and already experienced adultery.
I think everyone left there, including the disciples, just completely dumbfounded at what they had heard. Neither side was “right” in their understanding of marriage or divorce. Marriage was lifted to a whole other stratosphere with this teaching.
There is even a hint of despair in the disciples response to Jesus’ words:
“If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
Jesus response of “Not everyone can accept these words but those who have ears to hear, let them hear” seems to support this same understanding – DIVORCE is never on God’s agenda.
So does this mean there are NO concessions today? If a woman or man is in an abusive, or adulterous relationship they are just stuck there forever?
Next week, we will look at some more scriptures to round out our answer to this question.
What’s the Key To A Great Marriage?
Do you mind if I vent for a bit? Thank you. I get asked all the time – “what’s the key to a great marriage?”
My first reaction is – You mean there’s only one?? I’m 19 years, 9 months, and 15 days into this experience called marriage and I could have sworn there are more like 476 of them.
I really hate the question. It’s like getting a text – ‘G – u xplain revelation 2 me?’ Like we can text it out what it takes to make a great marriage. Like we can put all the mystery and magic of marriage in 140 characters. Impossible. Nothing great is ever easy or that simple.
Nothing.
Don’t misunderstand my vent as being negative about marriage. That’s not it at all. I still think it’s the second greatest institution on the planet. It’s just I’m sick of what we’re making it in our culture. We’ve cheapened it to almost the level of buying a car. “If it gets too many miles on it or I get tired of it or if I wreck it – I’ll just trade it in for another model.”
I understand the drive behind the question. Most of us that are married – we want a great marriage. But we approach it like the broken garbage disposal or leaky faucet. We notice it when it breaks. We then want the quickest, cheapest fix so we can get back to what we were doing. We see it as a distraction. The goal is to get it fixed as fast as possible. So maybe it will take a couple of trips to the hardware store but if I find the right guy who can give me the right tool and right tip, I can fix it fast.
Allow me to offer another metaphor for marriage. Art. Jazz. Blues. Painting. Sculpture. An artist isn’t concerned about hurrying through a fix. He’s focused on creating something deeper, something that provokes. If it takes days, weeks, months – so be it. The outcome is a result of this mystical partnership between the artist and the medium. The painter and the colors and canvas, the musician with the instrument – there is give and take, there are moments that are complete messes followed by moments of perfection. Neither really knows what the end will look like but then again that really doesn’t matter. Half the fun is getting there.
Any true artist will tell you – the process is often more important than the product.
We don’t ask artists that kind of question. “What’s the key to a great piece of art?” Instead we ask – what inspires you? How did you do this? What is the story behind this? We don’t ask the question because we already know the answer – the artist is the key to a great piece of art. An artist that has given his or her life to the craft. An artist that is courageous enough to risk bold colors, passionate enough to keep pursuing beauty through the mess of the creative process. An artist that is determined enough to not give up on the painting – even if it means stripping it all down and starting over.
Here’s another little secret about artists – they work. They work hard. Sure they may have a gift or a talent but they put that gift to work, sharpening and improving it. They put in hours and hours of work so that one day a masterpiece will be birthed.
So maybe I’ve answered the question. Marriage is more art than anything else. And like art, even a novice can create something beautiful if they are willing to put in the time and effort.
Join us for this special series Art of Marriage, created by FamilyLife. For complete details click here.
Image “Broken Keys” originally appeared on SoundLogik.com on a review for the band “The Black Keys”. Who, by the way, are completely awesome. I’m just saying…
He Who Holds The Keys
This originally appeared on www.whillschurch.org as the weekly devo.
It’s an unwritten rule in the English household that whoever holds the keys determines when we leave. It doesn’t seem to matter how much warning we give the entire house or how many “we are leaving right now!” screams that echo through the kitchen. When the keys jingle and the garage door opens, it sends panic and mayhem everywhere.
“WAIT!!! I can’t find my shoes!!!”
“I’m not ready!”
“We’re leaving right now!?”
Why this produces such shock and awe remains a mystery to me and the subject of another story. What’s important to note here is that whoever holds the keys, controls the situation. If the keys go out the door and starts the car, we are leaving. Can’t stop that train.
This isn’t the Marines. We leave people behind. Sometimes mercy is shown. It’s purely at the discretion of whoever holds the keys.
I was thinking about this as I read this passage this morning…
“I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.” – Jesus, Revelation 1:18
Whenever the topic of eternity or life after death comes up, there is always that person that has a “I’ve seen the light” story. There is also that person that is looking for the nearest exit. Almost every body believes that there is something waiting for us after death…and almost everybody disagrees on exactly what that is.
This Sunday we are going to finish our We Believe series talking about this topic – eternity, heaven, and hell. Are they real places? If they are, what are they like? What does the Bible really say about life after death?
We’ll look at much of that this coming Sunday. Some of the questions we will find answers, others we will not. At the end of all the discussion, I find myself right back to this verse…Jesus holds the keys.
There has only been one person who has died and rose again to NEVER face death again. Jesus. He holds the keys. He controls it. So whatever we discover about eternity, heaven, and hell – it will come back to this foundational truth. For some people that fact will bring terror and shock. For others it will bring comfort and peace.
See ya’ Sunday as we unpack what we believe about eternity.
It’s Time To Prepare The Room
I wrote this devo originally for whillschurch.org on July 27, 2011
Rick went to the National Worship Leaders Conference last week and came back with a lot of ideas and thoughts. At Creative Team we listened to him share about the week – what he saw, experienced, and learned. He spoke a phrase that completely grabbed my heart – prepare the room.
Rick heard this phrase at a seminar titled “Moving Worshipers from Passive to Participants.” The leader’s comment was “if they knew Jesus was in the room with them, they’d never be passive again.” So one of the primary roles of a worship leader is to ‘prepare the room.’ For both the worshipers and for Jesus. Prepare the people to be awaken to Jesus who is already in the room.
I don’t really remember much else that Rick said. I was stuck on the phrase ‘prepare the room.’ I couldn’t get past it.
Part of the reason was conviction about how comfortable my life really is. How easy I have it in the United States when it comes to worship. I drive up to a nice building in a nice car with a nice sound system. I pass a couple of other nice buildings of worship with their own nice toys on my way here. I don’t have to worry about being followed or leading informants to our location. In fact, we hang a sign out front.
We have instruments and books and projectors. I don’t have to whisper my prayers or songs in fear of someone overhearing and calling the authorities. I don’t have to deal with no AC or no heat, leaking roofs (okay – we do have to deal with small ones), or not having a printed Bible in my language. I don’t have to rely on my memory or the memory of other believers for the morning scriptures.
In short, there is no ‘prep’ work demanded of me by circumstance to get ready to worship. The only real effort that is demanded of me is getting up and getting out the door.
But there was another reason I was stuck. To prepare means to be intentional, to plan, to make something with intention and purpose. To be deliberate.
How deliberate are we in worship? Do I show up with a plan, with a deliberateness to worship with my community on Sunday mornings? Do I arrive with an intentional deliberateness to worship? Do I anticipate the presence of Jesus as I drive up and walk in the door?
I’m not talking about the worship set or my notes for the sermon. I’m not talking about the ‘plan’ we make during the week of what we are going to do on Sunday morning. That is simply an arena – an opportunity to worship. It’s not worship.
I’m talking about my heart and my mind. Do I engage that plan with a deliberateness of worship to Jesus? As a leader – am I deliberate in leading others to worship OR am I more concerned that I get the ‘plan’ done? Am I more focused on being wow’ed or entertained?
I’m thankful for Rick and this challenge he brought back. Because if you teach a children’s class or a youth class or an adult class or a life group…guess what? You are a worship leader of some sort. And it is on us to prepare the room for worship.
Get ready…we need to prepare the room. Looking forward to exploring what that means.
A Tub Will Do Just Fine
From right to left – Joyce, Robin, and Dana after the tub baptism. This originally appeared on whillschurch.org on July 13th, 2011.
“Grant, be sure to connect with Robin as soon as you can. She’s now in hospice care.”
This was one of the first texts I received after getting back from Brazil.
Robin started coming to Western Hills about a year and half ago with Dana Kelly. She made a decision for Christ but for the last 6 months, her body was just breaking down. With the host of physical problems she was battling, it just wasn’t feasible to show up on Sunday mornings let alone be baptized.
I called. Her voice was clear. “Grant, I’ve called hospice in but I have a request. I still want to be baptized. How can we do this? Do you think we can do it in my home somehow?”
“Absolutely. We will figure it out.”
She wanted Dana Kelly to be a part of it. Dana was the one that took care of her physically as well as spiritually over the years. And her good friend Joyce. So today (Wednesday, July 13) at 10:00, we were the Church at Robin’s house. “We” included her hospice nurse Jason, the hospice chaplain Annie, Gary & Nancy Manford, Joyce, Dana, Robin, and myself. We gathered in the kitchen.
“Robin, you’ve got some options this morning. We can dunk you in the tub or pour water over your head in the sink, sprinkle water over you or even use the garden hose in the yard.”
I could see she was wrestling with the options.
“We know that this is a symbol, this is a statement of an already existent condition for you – that Christ has consumed you and is changing you. God knows your physical condition and he’s pleased with your heart. I’m pretty sure He’s going to be okay any way you decide do this.”
She laughed.
“I want to be dunked. In the tub.”
I grabbed Gary’s Bible and shared some scripture with Robin while Dana filled the tub. Meanwhile we read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 together.
Dana popped back in shortly. “We’re ready.”
All 7 of us filed into the bathroom, Dana kneeled down to the tub with Robin.
I gave my 2 minute sermon on baptism. Baptismo was originally used in the garment industry. A garment was baptized in a dye and it took on the properties of that dye. I’m not wearing a purple shirt, I’m wearing a white shirt baptized in purple dye. But of course, it is a purple shirt. It’s no longer a white shirt. It’s a new, different shirt because it’s been consumed by something else. The perfect picture of what our life in Christ should be and why baptism is such a powerful, meaningful symbol. We’ve been consumed by Christ, overpowered by Christ. It is no longer I that live but Christ through me.
Dana then had the honors.
“Robin, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus? Is He your Savior.”
“Oh yes.”
“Is it your desire to follow Him symbolized by this act of baptism?”
“Oh yes.”
“Then it’s my honor to baptize you, my friend, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
And down Robin went in the water. And back up. And we all cheered.
A quick prayer of thanksgiving. 5 of us left the room for the kitchen and in a few minutes Robin emerged, wet head, and smiling ear to ear.
“What a happy day. What a happy day.”
We spent some time around the kitchen table. Sharing, talking, and encouraging. We took a bunch of pictures. Lots of kleenex was passed around.
A tub will do just fine.
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
Paul in 1 Thessalonians 4
Making Disciples is like playing in the sand
The original article and image is located here.
Western Hills exists to make disciples who love God, live connected and serve all. And sometimes we get lazy around here and shorten that to Love, Live, and Serve. Which is okay as long as we don’t forget that we are supposed to be making disciples that love, live, and serve…not an organization that loves, lives, and serves. Or programs or systems either.
We are in the people making business…or life change market. Whichever metaphor you prefer, the point is the tools, programs, systems exist to help us make disciples that look more like Jesus. We don’t exist to keep the organization, tools, programs, systems in place. They are dispensable. People are not.
What has that got to do with a sand sculpture that looks like Darth Vader? I’m glad you asked. When we go to the beach, we take pretty much the same tools every time – a bucket or two, a couple of those cheap, plastic mini-shovels and rakes (which never get used). We’ll have the strainer thing and perhaps a “mold” that looks like a castle wall. And pretty much every time our castle looks exactly the same…lame.
I hate this for my family. I always feel like a failure of a dad when we go to the beach for this reason. I’d love to make an homage to Star Wars on the beach the next time we go. I’d be the coolest dad on the beach. People would flock from miles around to stare in wonder. When I see other people’s creations on the sandy canvas, I always have this nagging thought – ‘You know…I could do that. It’s just sand. They are probably better parents than we are too.’
But it’s never going to happen for me. Never. I’m not being fatalistic at all. I will never be a great sand artist. Why?
First, I hate the sand. It’s itchy, scratchy, rough, and messy.
Second, I have little sculpture skills. Who am I kidding – I have NO sculpting skills.
Third, I don’t have the patience to make a sweet looking castle.
Fourth, even if I did have the skills and patience – I don’t have the tools. I’ve seen what those sand sculpture people bring to the beach to make their creations. I don’t have those kind of tools for my lawn or my home. It’s crazy.
And these are the same reasons why some people (and churches) never make disciples either. They don’t really like people – because they are itchy, scratchy, rough, and messy. They don’t have the skills. Nor do they want to learn them. They aren’t patient with people and their messes. And even those who do have the patience, they don’t feel like they have the proper tools.
Ouch, huh?
Well, our summer sermon series is one piece of the tool kit. Learning how to read and apply the Bible for ourselves. That’s a huge tool in making disciples and ANYBODY can do this. We’ll be adding more tools this fall but my prayer for our church and our people is that we begin to start liking itchy, scratchy, rough, messy people.
Reasons 30 and 31 of why I’m in a Life Group
This originally appeared as a weekly devo on whillschurch.org on June 8, 2011.
You can see the other 29 reasons here and here. But this one starts off with another list. The list of things that husbands do NOT want to hear from their wife at any time…for brevity’s sake, I will only list the top 3.
#1 – “Honey, there’s been an accident…”
#2 – “You will never believe what YOUR kids did today…”
#3 – “There is a river flowing in the basement…”
Any one of these comments will send a husband into a deep, dark place. Yesterday, I got to hear #3. The actual wording was “We have a waterfall in our basement.” Nice water feature that you never want in that location.
But let’s back up the story to two weeks ago. We found some standing water in the basement which is reason #30 to join a life group. Reason #30: You can look for leaks in your basement together.
We spent a few hours turning on every faucet, shower, flushing every toilet, turning on dishwasher and washing machine. No leaks. We had two sinks that were annoying and I thought MIGHT be the source of the leaks…so I changed them out. No leaks. Figured that solved the problem.
Then came yesterday. The good news about water flowing down from the first floor to the basement? You no longer have to guess where the leak is. Of course, this wasn’t technically a leak. This was an overflow problem. The water was coming from the blocked drainage pipe of the washing machine. So the water that the washing machine was trying to get rid of was just coming right back up the pipe, down the wall to the basement producing one lovely but damaging waterfall effect.
And I’m fairly certain that you’d never believe how much water a washing machine can hold.
I did what any man in my position would do. I tweeted about the situation.
“I am now on my way home to do battle with a leaking washing machine that has now flooded the basement.”
Shortly after I get a text from another guy in my life group – “Need some help?” I told him the situation and guess what? He had a snake. Not that kind of snake but a big long wire that smells horrible but spins around and unclogs drains.
Reason #31: Fix problems with equipment you’d never buy on your own with a life group.
Technically this is a benefit of being in a life group, not the reason to join one but I think you understand where I’m coming from. Living Connected has some benefits. It’s what doing life together is all about.
Now to find someone with a chainsaw…
Live Connected
This originally appeared on whillschurch.org as a weekly devo.
Part 4 of Vision Devo series.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Live Connected is perhaps the most difficult of the three (love, live, and serve). It’s the easiest to misunderstand and hardest to actually do.
There are two common misunderstandings of what “live connected” means. The first is a small group dedicated to the gaining of knowledge. Bible study, Sunday school, and most small groups are of this variety. We study the scriptures, we look and listen for insights and we will talk about how it COULD apply in real life. The other misunderstanding is a group dedicated to accomplishing a task. Ministry teams – youth, children, worship, tech team – any group that has an event or specific task to accomplish.
It’s possible to live connected with each of these two groups but most of the time it doesn’t happen. Why? Because to live connected is messy. It’s allowing other people access to our lives in a way that gives them the right and responsibility to speak truth to us and to love on us for the purpose of life change, to look more like Jesus. That’s the key difference between live connected and just a bible study or serving together. Life change, vulnerability, authenticity – these are necessary for live connected.
Take a look at your current small group experience. Is the purpose of that group life change? To challenge and love each other towards Christ-likeness? Or is it just the pursuit of more Bible knowledge? Or the accomplishment of a task? There’s nothing WRONG with those two other options. It’s just that those alone will not result in life change.
Why is live connected even necessary? Because we won’t naturally strive for life change on our own…at least long term. We need encouragement, a model, and even accountability for this to happen. We can’t “love our neighbor as ourselves” without others. Jesus modeled this for us.
It’s part of our mantra because we know that it will be impossible for us to be who God wants us to be without the ministry of others in our life. Impossible.
Cutting Grass and Vision
This originally appeared as a weekly devo at whillschurch.org…
I remember the first time I drove a tractor. It was a hot Alabama summer and my dad was teaching me how to cut a field of grass. I’d been on tractors and four-wheelers since I can remember. But driving a tractor is very different than just riding on one.
“Watch where you are going.” If my dad said it once, he said it a million times. He was a stickler for having straight lines in his field. He wanted that field to look like Legion Field…never mind that Legion Field had artificial turf…and was never mowed.
“Watch where you are going.” He’d stand on one end of the field with his arms folded staring down the line making sure I kept my head up. He’d wave his arms if I ever got off line. He’d give me a thumbs up if I was on target.
“Watch where you are going.” Mowing in a straight line seemed like the most impossible task on my way to manhood. I could fire a rifle, kill small and not so small animals, start a fire, drive a boat, do long division in my head. But mowing in a straight line? How would I ever pass a driver’s license test?
“Watch where you are going.” Dad would stand on the end of the field. “Drive towards me!” The words kept coming. “Check behind you to make sure you’re lined up. Put the wheel on the edge of the cut grass that you just mowed and keep your eyes on me. Stay on target.” I resisted the urge to scream back at him “This is yellow team leader and they are coming in to fast!!!”
“Watch where you are going.” You’ll never cut straight if you are looking down or behind you. Must be able to see across the field to where you want to be at the end of that row.
It’s amazing how cutting grass can teach us about following Jesus.
It’s easy to get distracted cutting grass…and following Jesus. The straight line we thought we were traveling looks more like a roller coaster. And it’s not our heart or our passion that often gets off track. It’s where we are looking…our vision…we quit looking where we are going.
So over the next 3 weeks, I’m going to revisit our simple mantra at Western Hills of Love God, Live Connected, and Serve All. It’s our “Where are we going” marker that helps us mow in a straight line. And every now and then – it’s good to get the eyes checked.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
More Questions From Great Sex
Here’s the devo I wrote this week….
Time to go to the mailbag for some more questions on our current series GREATsex.
Is great sex possible for those who have been abused? Or those who have a past of sexual sins?
I’m actually going to speak about this topic this coming Sunday. I really encourage you to be a part of our worship services this weekend, I think there will be some help for us in scriptures.
I’m married. I love my spouse but our sex life is a disaster. Are there any Christian resources that can help us?
I’d recommend two great resources.
First, Intended For Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat. There are newer books written about sexual issues from a Christian perspective but not any better than this one.
Second, Restoring The Pleasure by Clifford and Joyce Penner. The Penners have actually written a few books on this topic and you’re not going to go wrong with any of their books. But this one specifically deals with problems and barriers in the sexual component of a marriage.
Fair warning about both books: The authors are Christ-followers and the intended audience for these books are married couples. They speak bluntly about sex and sex techniques. It is not for the easily offended. But I’m guessing you are not one of those since you asked the question.
At what age should I start talking to my children about sex?
As soon as you can. Don’t treat sex as the “unspeakable subject” at your house. When we are quiet about topics in our homes, we allow the culture around us to have a larger voice in our kids lives. Your home is the best chance for your kids to learn about sex correctly and from a godly perspective.
So, when they ask, answer them. Obviously we want to be age appropriate in our response. Kids are curious and most of the time their questions are just innocent inquiries. So be sure to answer the question they are asking, nothing more, nothing less. And answer it in a way that they can understand.
Couple of great resources:
How and When To Tell Your Kids About Sex
Passport2Purity from FamilyLife.com.
Is it okay for a Christian couple to watch porn as long as they are both okay with it?
No. Pornography is deadly to oneness. It is the exact opposite of intimacy – which is the foundation of great sex. Porn introduces another person or persons into the marriage bed, it provokes feeling of lust, and it never satisfies. Introducing this into a marriage is just bad news and won’t end well.
My spouse seems intent on watching inappropriate movies. What can I do? Am I to blame?
If by inappropriate we mean porn, then I’d suggest at least these 4 things:
First, pray for him/her that God would give them freedom from this.
Second, find a private time and place to talk about the behavior and how it hurts you and the marriage.
Third, offer some solutions that you both can live with. Put a filter on computer (Covenant Eyes). Move computer to main floor where everybody can see. No TV alone. Call each other when the urge to watch porn starts.
Fourth, find someone other than spouse to be accountable to.
Join us this Sunday as we wrap up our series on GREATsex. This week’s topic: Do-Overs.
Defining Oneness
I originally wrote this as the weekly devo on whillschurch.org
I am quickly realizing just how much we are NOT going to get covered in this short 3 week series on GREATsex. So I’d thought I’d tackle a few questions we’ve been getting with the weekly devo.
What is oneness?
Using Genesis 2 as the baseline, I think it’s safe to interchange oneness and intimacy. There are some distinctions that I think we need to make though to make sure we don’t short change the word intimacy.
The opposite of oneness is isolation or alone-ness (is that a word?). Oneness is WHOLISTIC. It is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. It is a total body, total being experience and process. It is the decision of two people to be unified in ALL that they ARE. Oneness (at least from God’s perspective) will also have “for the benefit of the other” at its core. The opposite of this is selfishness.
Like all definitions, I’m sure there are some holes in it but I think this gives us a starting point.
Is holding hands in a dating relationship REALLY considered moving towards oneness?
Maybe.
Where does your mind go when you hold her (or his) hand? Jesus taught that for some of us, looking at the other person was “too far.” See Matthew 5:27-28. That’s the real heart of the matter behind “lust in your heart.” We want something that does not belong to us. We want a relationship to go to a place where at that point in time it should NOT go. Does our minds race ahead to a place of physical, emotional, and spiritual unity with this person? Another question to ask – what’s the point of this touch? Where is this going to take the relationship?
This gets further complicated when we realize that girls and guys have completely different operating systems. So a touch on the shoulder, a squeeze of the hand, or a quick side-hug could possibly mean two very different things for each person. Factor in cultural differences or abuse – you can see how crazy this can get.
The point is this – where is this going? Where is your mind taking you in that moment? If an action is taking you to a place of pursuing the other – it’s probably on the path to oneness.
Is it possible for people of the opposite sex to be close friends without pursuing oneness?
Ahhh…the baseline conflict for so many Romantic Comedies.
Possible? Sure. Context is everything though, right?
Single and you just want to be friends? Sure. Married to some one else? Uh…no. Single and one of you wants to go further with the relationship than the other? Probably not a good idea, either.
Is it ever okay for a guy and girl to kiss (or further down the line) each other when they are dating/engaged?
I’m not the moral police. I’m a tour guide trying to get you to the BEST part of the tour. Get distracted early in the tour and we’ll miss the best part. Are you following me?
I will answer the question with another question. Do you believe that God has the best plan for GREAT sex? If you do AND you want GREAT sex, not just average or good enough or even bad – how far are you willing to go (or not go) to get it? No one has ever got to their wedding night and said – “Man…I really, really wish I’d gone further with that cute girl I dated back in the day.” No one. No matter where the line is drawn. What I hear over and over again from married couples is how they wished they had saved EVERYTHING for their spouse. Something to think about.
At some point you have to pursue oneness at least in the emotional, mental, and spiritual arenas without BEING married. So what then is the ‘tipping point?”
Are you in a position to marry the other person? Financially, practically, morally, spiritually? Is that the end goal for that relationship – marriage? Can marriage happen in a relatively short period of time?
To get close and pursue unity in these other areas but there is no desire or plan to get married is irresponsible, hurtful, and dangerous. It will not end well for any of the parties involved. To get close and pursue unity and one of the people isn’t ready to get married – either by finances or maturity or any other circumstance – is also irresponsible, hurtful, and dangerous.
In short, I’d say that the tipping point is when you are ready and able to get married.
10:02 Alarm Prayer
This originally appeared on whillschurch.org as the weekly devo.
He (Jesus) gave them this charge:
“What a huge harvest! And how few the harvest hands.
So on your knees; ask the God of the Harvest to send harvest hands.” Luke 10:2
I was challenged last week to set my alarm (on my phone since I have a childhood fear of watches) everyday for 10:02. 10:02 is to remind me of Luke 10:2 – to pray for workers who are harvest hands. I’ve been doing this for a week now. 10:02, Rufus – my favorite cello player – sends me to prayer time with Jesus to ask for “Harvest Hands.”
I read the rest of that chapter today for the first time in a long time. It’s when Jesus sends out the 70 disciples on their first mission trip of sorts. I started thinking about this – if I had 70 people sign up for a mission trip, the last thing I would pray for would be more workers. I mean – that’s a lot of logistics.
But that’s because I’m looking at the situation from the wrong angle. I’m not thinking about the human condition or the need for life on life ministry. Thank God, Jesus looks beyond the inconvenience to what true ministry is.
So a couple of things for us this week…first…stop what you are doing and set your clock for 10:02. And read Luke 10. And start praying everyday that God would increase the workers.
Second, the prayer is not for more attenders but more workers…more disciples. I’m not praying (and neither should you) for God to grow our church or make our programs larger. I praying that God will grow workers, harvest hands who ARE the church where ever they go. Disciples who LOVE, LIVE, and SERVE. Workers who are involved in the messy, life on life, Kingdom work of making disciples.
Third, don’t be surprised when God answers the prayer with the pray-er. That’s not a typo. It’s one of God’s dirty tricks to actually answer prayers by using the one who is praying. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky isn’t He?
I’ll be praying with you at 10:02
Time Doesn’t Need A Translation
I wrote this devo for our church website earlier today…
We are back from Budapest…and our bags finally arrived…and jetlag coming home isn’t nearly as disastrous as it was going. Now to answer some questions…
What was the highlight of the trip?
Hard to say just one. It’s always fun to travel and taste new foods and experience new …. experiences (did I really just write that??) but really I think it comes down to two huge moments.
Moment 1: I just had the question pop in my mind – not even a part of what I had planned to say – “How many of you have a hard time hearing God?” When I saw all those faces looking up at me I knew what I had planned to walk through with the students in the next session needed to be punted. And the cool thing was the guys that were running SEW totally agreed and we open to just following where ever God was leading us. We weren’t disappointed.
Moment 2: Friday night’s Upper Room service to cap off the week. We set up 5 interactive stations for the students to encounter at their own pace and time. It was the highlight of the week for almost every student we talked to. Another moment of when we as leaders said “we’ve got this planned but God — what do you want?” Then we just obeyed.
What did you personally get out of the trip?
How precious the currency of time really is. I spoke twice a day, talked with dozens of kids and leaders every day. Every meal was a 2 hour experience and normally that would drive me crazy. I am a closet introvert. I love my alone time to recharge and refocus. BUT time is still the best currency to tell someone you care about them and they matter to you. There will never be another substitute for time. Never.
And the best speaker in the world (which I am not) will never have the impact that a face to face conversation with someone in the presence of Christ does. And that’s why I love this picture. I had no idea Amy was taking it but I’m so glad she did because I think it captures the heart of what kind of ministry is best. The life on life in the presence of Christ kind of ministry.
Time invested in another will never need translation.
Does God’s Channel Look Like This?
I wrote this devo originally for whillschurch.org.
There are days when the reality hits me that it is easier to talk with my cable company than God. That’s disturbing, isn’t it? Who hasn’t wasted hours arguing with the cable company about one issue or another – billing, reception, download speed. Then the famous — “Will you be home on Tuesday between the hours of 9am and 5pm to meet our tech?” At promptly 4.49, they show up. As “promised.”
Yet how quickly would I accept that situation if I knew I was going to get a clear answer from God. “Grant, would you be available between the hours of 9 and 5pm on Tuesday so when God shows up He could tell you how to parent?”
Why…yes, God. I think that will work out nicely. YES!!!! YES!!! YES!!!
It’s the single most frustrating lesson in the life of a believer – learning to hear God through the noise. It’s a lesson that we take constantly, never really graduate from. And the easier it gets to HEAR God, the harder it gets to OBEY God. So there are times I am thankful when God’s channel looks like this. It gives me an excuse…for a little while anyway.
Here’s the truth about NOISE on our televisions, 9 times out of 10 it isn’t the stations fault. They are broadcasting something, they are sending a signal. 9 times out of 10 the problem is on the receiver end. The set isn’t in the best spot to receive the signal, the cable being used is worn out and needs to be replaced. There isn’t enough POWER in the unit to receive the signal. All the screaming in the world won’t fix the noise. Only moving to a place where the set can better receive the signal will result in a clear picture.
Spiritual parallels are scary aren’t they? There are times when God IS silent, He isn’t broadcasting. But those times are rare. Most of the time, the NOISE on my God channel is there because I’m out of whack somewhere.
And we are going to see that this isn’t a new problem with our new series NOISE. We’ll also see how the solutions aren’t all that new either. But sometimes it’s healthy to have a reminder. See ya’ Sunday.
Why Grow Up?
I wrote this post originally for the Weekly Evo at www.whillschurch.org.
This Sunday night we will gather our leaders together for our Winter Confab. It’s a pause for our leaders to sit around the table and be fed – physically and spiritually. It’s a chance for us to hear other God stories from those we serve alongside.
For our Winter Confab we are talking the issue of personal spiritual growth. Before we tackle the how, we are going to explore the “why” question – why grow up? Why grow spiritually? I turned to Google to help me with my quest for answers. This was the screen I got. What do you notice?
I noticed that too. Apparently, we have an infinite number of resources to tell us how but next to none that answer the why. I found one site that answered this question with “Because it fulfills the will of God.” In other words, “because I said so.”
I hate that answer. I hated it as a kid. I hate it as an adult. I don’t hate because it’s incorrect. I hate it because it’s incomplete. It’s a lazy answer. I know I’m tired and lazy as a parent when I resort to this answer with my own kids. It’s not helpful. I’m curious by nature so I need to know the why. If I don’t know the why – I’m just as likely to quit the whole thing and find something else to do. WHY is an important question.
But it’s not the most important question.
We have a rule in the English house – our kids can only ask the question WHY AFTER they have obeyed or said – “Yes, sir” or “Yes, ma’am.” Why? I’m not answering that question until I have confirmation that they have heard me and will obey me.
Obedience is more important than WHY. Sometimes by obeying the WHY is answered for them. Sometimes it’s more important to trust me than themselves. After obedience, it’s easier to answer the WHY because I now know the condition of their heart.
Before obedience, WHY is not a question. It’s an excuse. It’s a stall tactic. It’s self-importance cloaked in a question mark. It’s disobedience. Before obedience, WHY is next to impossible to talk about it because it’s not an exploration at that point, it’s an argument. A persuasion.
After obedience, WHY is an enlightened conversation of the journey. It’s a perspective change. A realization.
And that’s what we will do this coming Sunday evening. Come join us if you can.