National Treasure

Saw this movie with my best friend, Steve. Steve says he loves movies but ask him his favorite 10 movies of all time. He can’t come up with 10. Not because he has a bad memory, but because he is the finickiest person in the world when it comes to movies.

Having said that – here is my review. It didn’t suck. It wasn’t awesome. How vague is that? Well, it’s keeps with the theme of the movie.

Steve’s grid for movies consists of the question “Is it worth skipping work to go see?” Which to me is a horrible question to ask because on that basis, Alien vs. Predator was a good movie….which it wasn’t.

I prefer a more scientific approach.

Did I yawn in the movie?
A correlating question to this is – did I think about the national debt, the new winter colors, or accessorizing my SUV during the movie? I didn’t. That is a good thing. A one yawner movie is bearable if you are on a date. A two-yawner is bearable if you’re married and it’s the only quiet two hours you’ve had all week. A three-yawner should have never been released – see Thomas the Tank Engine. On second thought, don’t see it. No deductions.

Did I get up to go to the bathroom?
No. Again, another positive score for National Treasure. This category by the way is what kills the Lord of Rings movies in my world. I mean, what the heck is a 4 hour movie about? Make 2 2-hour movies. Again, no deductions.

How many quotes from the movies did I repeat in the next 5 hours after seeing the movie?
Ohhhh, tough hit here for National Treasure. There was a couple of lines in the middle that I could tell you what they mean but they weren’t crisp, sharp, or memorable. There was some fun bantering between the three main characters, so a little help there. But Cage – dude, lighten up. Find your Raising Arizona days again. Half star here.

Did I leave the theatre counting the days of when it came out on DVD?
Not exactly. Hero was that way for me. So was The Incredibles. Not this one. I would like to see the behind scenes stuff though and see how they did a couple of scenes….but I don’t think that has anything to do with the movie. No stars.

Did it lead me to a “thin place?” (If you don’t know what a thin place is – email me.)
Ummmm, another bad score for the film. Only one thin place, near the end but it wasn’t a spiritual oasis. It didn’t lead me to a worship or wonder. A half a star.

Story vs. Content meter.
In other words, was there questionable content in the film that didn’t advance the story. Like a sex scene, nudity, ect. Now, I’m NOT saying that movies that have those things are bad. I am asking the question – did it advance the story.

In this movie – there really wasn’t anything bad in it. No language, no graphic violence, no sex or nudity. A safe film for the entire family. Of course, there is a difference between safe films and GOOD films.

There wasn’t exactly anything great in it either. It was fun, clean, 2 hour vacation. Someone told me before the movie that everything in the movie that is said about the Freemasons is true. Great. They really didn’t say ANYTHING about the Freemasons. I know just as much about them now as I did BEFORE I saw the movie. Another great exhibit in the “all fluff, little substance” category. One star.

Eye Candy Meter
Seeing historic places was fun. Getting to see DC, Philadelphia was a blast. Couple of shots made you think – how did they get that look. But an average eye candy film. Half a star.

Final Score:
2 1/2 stars. Which is appropriate. It didn’t suck. It wasn’t awesome.

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