My Weekend of Golf

I played golf in high school. I was terrible. I then kept playing in college…I got better. I then joined a course in Colorado one summer and played 27 to 36 holes a day – 5 days a week.

I got to be pretty good.

That was over 13 years ago. Pre-marriage, ministry, kids, Xbox, and house payment.

So we had our church golf outing…our team came in 2nd place. I hit some decent shots but given the level I used to play at – it was pretty pathetic.

And why is it that the guys who play regularly WANT to fix the swings of guys who play annually? It’s not like it’s gonna help us.

Here’s a few hints for all you golfers out there from those of us who play once a year.

1. We have one goal when we play – to find more golf balls than we lose. Why? We aren’t sure because it’s not like we are going to use them anytime soon.

2. In your mind, “keep your head down, keep your upper body still, and keep your left arm straight” are simple commands. To us – you might as well given instructions on how to parallel park a nuclear submarine.

3. Putting – telling us to “read the green first” is pointless. We don’t know how. We don’t really care. We honestly think the putter is a wasted club anyway.

4. Refreshments – keep a lot handy. You don’t want us grumpy.

5. NEVER tell us that there is water on this hole but it really shouldn’t come into play. You’ve just cursed us and we might as well dress the rest of the golf balls in scuba gear.

6. “A white one” is a perfectly legitimate answer to the question “What kind of ball are you hitting?”

7. If you are playing with us – it can’t be a serious, legitimate tournament. So don’t get geeked up about winning. You think we play bad golf when we are relaxed? Wait till we get stressed.

8. Buy us lunch afterwards. We do like to eat!

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