We flew into Denver today via Salt Lake City. Someday, somebody in the airline industry is going to explain to me how it can cost me half as much to fly twice as far as needed. On the way we’ll go to Atlanta in order to get to Little Rock.
At any rate – we are on the plane and behind me I hear this guy’s voice getting pretty intense. He’s sitting right behind me so it’s impossible for me not to hear him. He’s talking to a teenage girl across the aisle from him. He’s laying into her about keeping her blanket on her side, quit touching him with the blanket, he can’t sleep.
She looks scared to death and her boyfriend is just sitting there.
I turn around – heck the whole back of plane is watching – hoping he’ll see that he’s making a huge deal out of an accident.
He keeps talking. He’s like a parent stuck on lecture number 235.
I finally say…”Dude….relax. She gets it.”
He turns to me and now he’s real angry but he pauses. He’s sizing me up.
(Don’t ask me how I know he’s sizing me up, guys just know. Personally I think it was my rugged good looks that scared him.)
He then says to me – “I have a right to sleep on this plane but I can’t with her touching me.”
It’s now hard not to laugh because this is sounding like a family vacation of yesteryear…”WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING ME!!!!!!!!!
He keeps talking. “I don’t think she understands that.”
“Oh, I think she does. I’m pretty sure she gets it.”
“I don’t think so. I don’t think she gets it.”
He says a couple of other things but I’m not really listening. The situation is intense. We’ve got another 90 minutes in the plane and he’s pretty worked up. Now before I tell you what I said next, just remember…I’m a trained professional at inappropriate humor. You shouldn’t try this at home.
“Dude, the whole back of plane gets it.”
After that, a few things happen all at once. He shuts up, throws on some headphones, the lady sitting across the aisle from me starts laughing hysterically, the baby sitting next her is now awake and he starts playing peak-a-boo at the top of his lungs.
The girl that was getting chewed on finally starts breathing again and she leans over, grabs my arm and says “Thank you so much.”
I’m like – “Hey – quit touching me lady. I’m trying to sleep and I have a right to sleep on this plane.”
No, I didn’t say that but that would have been really funny.
The guy didn’t say a word the rest of the flight, nor did he sleep.
Funny…I don’t feel bad about that.