Official East Coast Uni/Logo Ratings


Some crack reporting (or reporting on crack – hard to tell these days) has revealed that both Your Mama and Beach Bums are completely unoriginal. Therefore they will demoted to 12 and 11 respectively. Everyone else, enjoy your move up the chart.

Of course there is a part of me that is going – “Does anybody really care about this?”

As part of our Labor Day special and countdown to opening night on Thursday, I give you the first annual East Coast Football Club Uni/Logo Ratings. Couple of things to keep in mind before revealing the list:

1. Original ideas have more weight than stolen or tweaked ideas. Of course, there isn’t an original idea on the board.

2. Uniform “coolness” hardly ever translates into on the field dominance. Here we go…from worst to first.

Numbers 12-9 are just lame. They absolutely must change for next year.

Number 12

Your Mama, Kurt Kerin

While it would have been awesome to say “Your mama’s in last place,” it’s just as sick to say “Your Mama’s a 10.” Besides that – an emoticon??? What the heck? Emoticons have no place in fantasy football nor should they be connected to a team with the name “Your Mama.” Maybe an actual picture of your mom? (If she doesn’t break the camera…)

****UPDATE***** Now we can say – “Your mama’s in last place.” Ahhhhh.

Number 11

Beach Bums, Mike Powers

Again – somebody had to be in the top 4 and it might as well be Mike Powers. A bit cartoonish and dated but it fits the team.


Bum is an appropriate name for both the one who didn’t look to see if the logo is a stock one AND the one who uses it.

Number 10

Da’ Bears, Richard Coy

Taking an existing logo and tweaking is in bad form but acceptable. But outright theivery is not even acceptable in our league. Plus, Terrell Owens is on this team.

Number 9

Memphis Mojo, Brian McCurry

This was a painful decision. I like the colors. I like the simplicity. I like the font. I don’t like it WAS STOLEN!!!! What the heck?? It went from the top of the order to the bottom of the barrel. See here for the full disclosure.

Numbers 8-5 are average. They are okay as far as fantasy football is concerned but owners should consider changing their look.
Number 8

Orlando Bullsharks, Rob Williams

A shark fin. Probably lifted from Google. Probably isn’t even a bullshark. Plus, the nearest ocean to Orlando is 45 minutes away. I’m in Orlando as I type this and am in no danger of being attacked by a bullshark. This would have been a better mascot:

Number 7

Tina’s Toucans, Luke Turner

The Toucan needs a ‘fro. Or a tight leather skirt that doesn’t cover much. Or wearing sunglasses. It reminds too much of a kids cereal.

Number 6

Raleigh Ronions, Brian Fields

Looks a lot like an onion. Or that character from Bob the Builder. Could be the new Veggie Tale character.

Number 5

Parker Hairballs, Grant English

Ever been hurried into a decision thinking – “I’ll come back and change that later” but then never really doing that? For most NFL quarterbacks named Matt that decision was who was going to have my first baby. For me – it was this logo. It’s aweful. It’s funny – picture of a cat (which I hate cats) throwing up a hairball. But I can do better.

The top 4 are here because somebody had to be here.

Number 4

Swamp Fox, Bill Hayes

This is a close call. Almost made the top 4 if the fox didn’t look like it’s rear leg was broken. Plus – swamp foxes are normally hunted, not the hunter. Bill can be forgiven – this year is a major improvement of last year.

Number 3

Budapest Brawlers, Tom Seely

Favoritism? Not hardly. The only reason Tom is here is because of the atrociousness of the other entries. It’s simple – the Hungarian flag. It’s boring – just like his team. But there is nothing overtly offensive about it.

Number 2

Cincinnati Blue Darters, Matt Ely

I have no idea what a Blue Darter is – a lizard I’m guessing – which has nothing to do with upside down lightning…but what a cool picture. Could be a great name for a really potent burrito – The Blue Darter … if you know what I mean.

Number 1

Bonsack Freak Dawgs, Coach Freak

It’s fun and ultimately that is what Fantasy Football is supposed to be about. I like the shades…the rat dog reminds me of Mr. Bigglesworth. And when Mr. Bigglesworth isn’t happy, PEOPLE DIE!

There you are. Quite honestly I hope we all do a lot better next year.


One thought on “Official East Coast Uni/Logo Ratings

  1. I’d have to object to your #2 ranking. that logo was clipped from some Sunday School clip art catalogue. That’s lame. #9, the Bullsharks, is lifted from Google for sure, but so are all the other images, except maybe for Tom’s.


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