Nekkidity, Eastern Europe Style

So they have nude beaches here. It doesn’t work out exactly like you think. It’s not like a restaurant with a nude and non-nude section.

You go to the beach and hope for the best.

I was preparing myself for the experience by interviewing the missionaries here.

“Do you every get used to it? You know, does it ever just become part of the landscape, no big deal?”

He looked at me funny. “I don’t think it’s like you think it is. It’s…well…I don’t know if I can explain.”

So with that cryptic advise, I plowed forward.

After 72 hours…I now understand what he meant.

There is no way to explain without offending somebody. So I apologize in advance here.

I thought it would be easy to spot the nekkidness and just avoid it. Doesn’t work that way. The first nude woman I saw was topless but…I didn’t realize it was a woman. She looked like a he in a speedo with man-boobs.

Is that more insulting to the man or the woman? Not sure. Most of the men here wear speedos, walk funny, smoke, are hairless, and when they lay out on the beach, they cover their heads with a towel. They make American Metro-Sexuals look outright rugged and cowboyish.

The women were bikin bottoms, smoke, hairless, and cover their heads when they lay out.

It’s hard to tell the difference and if you stare too long to figure it out – it creates a scene.

Plus, there is another factor at work. There are some very large women here. And seeing them topless has created some images that need to be exorcised out of mind. I can’t imagine the permanent damage they are doing to their children.

The women that you think would be nude are all in tasteful bikinis. I’ve seen one thong but by that point, I was so scared to look around because of the other scenarios, I didn’t pay much attention.

I am picking up some Croatian though. “Naturist” is the word for nudists. So if you see a sign that says “natural beach”, it doesn’t mean what you think.

Just thought you’d like to know.


5 thoughts on “Nekkidity, Eastern Europe Style

  1. BWAHA! That’s a great mental image: Grant at a Nude beach. (For the record, in my mental image you are fully clothed. In a tuxedo. With a hat. Because anything less would just be weird.)


  2. There are restaurants with nude and non-nude sections? Wow, i’ve missed those…although, when drinking margaritas one time — well never mind.


  3. Grant, I know right where you’re at. We like to play a fun game called fashion strategy or fashion tragedy. I was at the beach here in Romania and walking by the tennis courts I pause for a moment to watch two guys in the middle of a heated volley. Clay courts, interesting…but then it happened. One of the guys was wearing speedos and missed a return. The volley was over I should have walked away. He (250#’s worth) bends over to pick up the tennis ball and the speedo disapears (even recalling the moment makes my eyes water and I get ill). We like to play a fun game called fashion strategy or fashion tragedy. Fashion tragedy.


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