Transformers: Age of Extinction

G 1 StarThere really isn’t any excuse I can come up that will justify spending 2 hours, 45 minutes to watch this film. Or why it is getting any stars at all.

It was a free rental at Redox?
I normally enjoy Mark Wahlberg movies?
I loved the cartoon series as a kid?

Do any of these hold water?

I know one thing that doesn’t hold a lot of water – the story. Does it really matter at this point in the franchise? There are good guy Transformers called Autobots and bad guy Transformers called Decepticons and standing between them are stupid humans that betray their species for profit – normally it’s the U.S. Government. BUT wait – there is one hero that will change all of this and talk Optimus Prime (Autobot Boss Daddy) into fighting one last battle (for the fourth or fifth time – I’ve lost count at this point) while some hot-looking woman runs around explosions in short-shorts.

You now know all you need to know about the entire Transformer franchise.

For this incarnation we trade out Shia LeBeouf for Mark Wahlberg and Courtney Fox for Nicola Pelz. And now for the twist…wait for it… Mark Wahlberg plays Nicola Pelz’s FATHER.

That’s right – the FATHER. Yeah, it totally doesn’t work. At all.

There’s a point in the movie about 90 minutes in where it looks like all the loose ends are going to get tied up: there’s been this epic battle and Michael Bay has once again set it up for yet another Transformer film and it’s nice. I thought – you know, that wasn’t so bad. Good action flick, a bit hoaky at points but watchable.

And then the movie keeps going. And going. For another 90 minutes. And you basically watch the movie again except instead of it being in Texas and Chicago, it’s in China and Hong Kong.

It’s too long, too many explosions, too many American flags and Texas flags in the background. This movie desperately needs an editor or it needs to be euthanized. Probably the latter.

John Goodman and Ken Watanabe lend their voices and both serve as decent comic relief but there’s not a lot that can save this film. It shouldn’t really get 1 stars but my love for Bumblebee kicks in a star. He deserves to be in a better film.

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