My Mascot Bracket

The Mascot Bracket

I may have been the only person on the planet that picked UAB to beat Iowa State.

At least in one of my brackets – the Mascot Bracket.

Some general rules of thumb for picking Mascot battles.

1. Colors never win. If your school is so uncreative as to have a color as your mascot, you deserve all the grief you get. Cardinal, Crimson – I’m looking at you.

2. Human mascots tend to win over animals given the human has a weapon. If the human doesn’t have a weapon – it’s a toss-up. See Fighting Irish, Crusaders.

3. Wildcats typically beat dogs of any kind. Tigers I give the nod over Wildcats.

4. Two teams with same mascot – give the higher seed the win.

5. Natural elements – like hurricanes, storms, tornadoes, cyclones – typically are not going to fare well unless the opposing mascot is something ridiculous. Like a color.

Armed with these basic rules and principles, I set out to do battle.

2015 Mascot Madness

Midwest Region
Had to go to the search engine early in picking. Boilermakers. What the heck is that? A big muscular guy with a hammer. It can do some damage and my initial thought is – this is definitely a team that could go far in the tourney.

The Shockers vs. Hoosiers is pretty much a waste of a matchup. Then I see the Jayhawks and figure what the heck is going on here. The Aggies of New Mexico State – are they dogs or a farmer or what?? Went with Jayhawks.

Midwest Winner: Mountaineers of West Virginia over a Longhorns of Texas.

West Region
Lots of interesting matchups here – Rams versus Razorbacks versus Badgers. It’s a crazy first round but after a lot of bloodshed – it’s the Rebels versus the Sooners for the Final Four birth.

West Region Winner: Sooners of Oklahoma in a bitterly close battle over the Rebels of Ole Miss.

East Region
Highlight would have to be the Anteaters. I’ve never gotten into a battle with an anteater and can only suppose the damage one of those animals can bring to the ring. We’ve got lots of Cowboys in this region and a Flyer which is basically a human wearing a leather helmet and goggles. Ultimately it comes down to the Wolfpack and the Spartans.

East Region Winner: The Spartans of Michigan State in a slaughter of the wolves.

South Region
At first glance this looks like a runaway region for the trident-bearing Blue Devils of Duke. The region is full of dog mascots and Native American mascots which make easy pickings for the Devils of Duke. However, they find their match against an opponent that brings fear to a whole other level and it isn’t even close.

South Region Winner: The Blazers (Fire Breathing Dragon) of UAB

Final Four Matchups:
The Mountaineers will take the Sooners in a close battle. The sure-shot aim of the Mountaineers will be too much for the Sooners to overcome.

But it’s the other matchup that the real champion will emerge – Spartans versus Blazers. A Greek killing machine versus a fire-breathing dragon.

This is the battle we all want to see. It’s what legends are made of. Imagine the cast of 300 versus Smaug. It would be a bloody, awesome mess.

In a battle of epic proportion and closeness, it’s the Blazers who exit the arena victorious.

National Champion: The Blazers of UAB.
The Blazers make quick work of the Mountaineers, treating them as little more than an after dinner mint.


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